Sometimes it seems like some women have it all together. These superheroes of womanhood appear to have more hours in the day than regular people and use their time to build empires and become moguls. I'm talking about admirable women heroes like Lauren Conrad, Beyonce, Bethany Frankel the ultimate mom-ager Kris Jenner and my person hero, Giada DeLaurentis. These women wear many hats and work hard every day, putting the rest of us to shame. And they STILL find the time for an active social life, perfectly fit bodies, flawless makeup and hair oh yea, and a mess of kids on the side.
Role models like these are easy to look up to but let's face it, they're celebrities and therefore lead lives that aren't realistic expectations of reality. Then there are your real life friends and acquaintances who seem to be super-human.
Here are the women I'm talking about and why I, and most of the world could never live up to the bars they set:
1. The Woman Who Just Posted That She's Signed Up For Her 13th Marathon:
We get it. You run. You love to run. You love running so much you do it for fun, you do it in the rain, sleet, snow or dark of night. You would run around a house, and you would run behind a mouse. Running is becoming the new addiction to fat and skinny girls alike and ESPECIALLY by the formerly fat women that have run into a teeny tiny body and plan to run across the country until they are as famous as forest gump and his scraggly homeless-man beard. I could never, ever, EVER be this girl. I hate running and all its disciples. I blame this on the fact that I have flat feet and bad knees but in all honesty I am just a mouth breather who would only run in the case of an emergency situation and even then I would probably fall down and choose to die rather than run more that two miles.
2. The Woman Who Runs All Her Errands Before 9am (aka the morning person):
Good morning! Rise and shine. It's been said that most successful people wake up around 5am each morning. That being said, if that is true than doing all your errands before nine seems entirely reasonable. I even believe that it is probably a healthier way to live. After all, aren't we all supposed to go to bed with the sun and rise when it rises? unfortunately there is not one bone in my body that enjoys rising before 8am and since I run my own business in the food and beverage field, there is very little I NEED to do before 8am. I understand that I am in the vast minority of the working world but I can't explain to you how much I enjoy that fact. If there is ever a time in your life where you could be given the choice between waking up at 5am or at 8am, don't kid yourselves, you would sleep in too. This doesn't mean that I don't feel a pang of regret when I read the post of someone who has already been to the gym, grocery store, and dry cleaners all before I've had my morning coffee.
3. The Woman Who Announces an Engagement, Marriage, and Baby All In One Calender Year:
This lady is on the fast track to her MRS degree. Extra points for accomplishing all of these milestones before you're two years out of college. Do not get me wrong, if you're truly in love and want to start a family then all power to you and may you be blessed with eternal happiness. I was also on the fast track once I met my husband and there are tons of people who looked at me like I was rushing into all of it (my family and his) so categorize me under this header if you must.
4. The Woman Who Does Pageants and Thinks We All Find This Impressive
These women are particularly annoying because they truly believe that beauty pageants are a "scholarship program". They believe themselves to be pseudo celebrities and therefore are all up on your news feed and instagram with crowns on their head and airbrushed makeup. I would also put C-list celebrities, ex-Real World cast members, reality stars and aspiring actors under this header as well. They spin this web of self-importance that usually makes you laugh but on a bad day, when you're hanging out in your comfy sweatpants and think to yourself "yea, I can totally go another day without shaving my legs" you are reminded that you should be eating a soy and kale salad while figure skating in full glam makeup. For that is the only way you get to the top. The hilarity of it all is that these beauty queen women are so involved with their own beauty (store bought or otherwise) that they believe they are a good representative of a role model when in reality the best they can hope for is for their 15 seconds of fame and beauty to last until they're 30. **The antithesis of this woman is my personal girl crush role model Jennifer Lawrence, who feels, as I do, that sometimes it's nice to stay home because you don't have to wear a bra - and that beauty queens, is what a real woman values.
5. The Woman Who Works At A Gym
Okay so these woman are the new age female equivalent to a meat head. Somehow being a gym junkie as a guy is much more embarrassing than as a woman because as women we are expected to look perfect and guys just have to have a good job and hopefully some good skills in the sack, a ripped body is only a plus for a dude. I will be the first to say that this needs to be corrected. Working at a gym is like telling me you care more about looking good than having a career. It is also the perfect way to validate being obsessed with your body, because after all, it's your job! Do you own a gym? no? oh okay, so you do pilates all day...that's, something to be proud of. This is another woman who I could never be. Yes, I go to the gym and I work out...but I also work with food and own my own business. Moderation is the key to life and what man loves a super skinny muscle maniac anyway?
6. The Woman Who Travels The World and Seems to Have No Job:
I wish I knew the magical secret to free travel the way some of my friends do. They volunteer in Brazil, go sight-seeing in Paris, and rave all night in Berlin. Out of all of the women I will mention in this post these are the ones I am the most jealous of because, come on! Who does that?! These girls are also living out my childhood dream of being a nomad and living the oh so chic bohemian life of a world adventurer. There is something poetic and beautiful about their pictures and stories and it pulls at the heart strings of all of us who had dreamed of a life unsettled. I do not regret my choices and I absolutely love my life, but they're constant adventures just reminds me of the life I had originally envisioned for myself. A life of wanderlust, dashing exotic strangers and unexplored flavors.
7. The Woman Who Has The Cutest, Most Well Behaved Kids Ever:
So far, this woman doesn't annoy me....because I'm not a mom. BUT, I can understand how this woman, with her perfectly styled children could make a real mom go insane. This woman brings her children into fancy restaurants and they order escargot and can go an entire meal without making a peep or a mess. These women make the regular mom pull her hair out because they have to change their kids shirts four times a day.
8. The Woman Who Volunteers While Earning a Doctorate and Writing A Childrens Book (aka Mother Teresa)
This woman is always fighting the good fight for the little guy and out of all the women I mention in this post, is the one who I have not one shred of animosity for. They are the kind and gentle souls who make this world a little bit better every day. They remind us all every day that yes, you could be doing more. We all get so wrapped up in our own lives that they are the ones that remind us to slow down and think about the less fortunate.
9. The Woman With The Spotless House:
The bane of my existence because I am messy messy girl. This woman loves her vacuum and constantly reminds me by her lemony-fresh home that I should be cleaning right now! The best example of this would be my mother-in-law, who I LOVE a lot but she seriously could be a professional organizer. This is no good for me as the daughter-in-law because she has high standards for her boys' abode and my skills do not cut it. I also find that I surround myself with girlfriends who are OCD and super tidy. Maybe it is because I am at the same time mystified and really impressed at this innate skill. These women are impressive on a whole other level for me because there is not one chance in hell that I will ever be like them. Maybe that is why I married a man with OCD.
In closing, this list is just my humorous way of reminding myself and all of us that there will always be someone better at something. The world is full of over acheiving women (and men) who seem to always striving to be the best. And then there's me...and a whole slew of women just like me who are janes-of-all-trades who do their best at doing it all. And hey, that's okay! I am not celebrating mediocrity. I am great at my job, I am a loving and faithful wife and I try my best to be a good person every day. That's all you can do with life, is try your best and strive for greatness in your own way.
XOXO
Lisa
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