I'm Not a Good Mom

I'm not a good mom. Let's get that out of the way. Saying that gets all the pressure off, and believe me there is a TON of pressure. If I were to be judged on the bell curve of moms and wives I would say I fall in the middle-upper range. I don't give my kid junk to eat, I keep her safe and try and keep her happy. And somehow I ALWAYS feel like I am failing.

I feel like I am either failing at being a mom, a wife, or a housekeeper at all times. On most days I am mediocre at all three and have a bad attitude to boot. My poor freakin' saint of a husband works all day, comes home, straps the baby to his chest an proceeds to vacuum/do laundry/dishes etc. He is some sort of superhero and it makes me feel about two inches tall. Like: how come I couldn't have just done that?

Every day of my life with Lyla I begin with the grandest intentions of deep cleaning the bathrooms, or doing a full shop at Wholefoods and planning out delicious and healthy meals for the week ahead of time, or even engaging my child in homemade crafty educational games. Want to know how that usually turns out? haha not even close. I go to the gym most days because they have cheap babysitting and I love my enorphins. (Don't worry, I am also failing at having a flawless post-baby beach body because I love wine and carbs too much, so add that to another on my list of shortcomings). After the gym we play in her playroom...usually with the t.v. on (another fail) and I let her watch some shows while eating lunch. We play. We play some more. Then around 2pm she goes down for her nap in a fit of screams and protests and all my intentions of deep cleaning anything go out the window with the sight of my cozy bed and the promise of an episode of The Real Housewives on my DVR.

Inevitably she doesn't nap for as long as she should and I get her up, and nurse her and we start with the playing over again. Sometimes we will go out for an afternoon activity where I inevitably end up spending money (another fail) and then I pray for the time to pass quickly till bedtime. Then the mom guilt sets in that I want my baby to go to bed so I can have some peace. and the guilt over not accomplishing ANYTHING of value that day. and the guilt that I will need two (maybe three) glasses of wine to unwind and feel like myself again. Then I will cook dinner...every night I cook and that is by far my only and biggest contribution to the household on a daily basis.

After dinner my husband and I will crawl into bed at an unreasonably early hour and I will try and muster up the energy to enthusiastically have sex because, hey, my hubby is a dude and oh yea, did I mention he wants to get pregnant again ASAP?

I must fail at a thousand things a day, constantly leaving someone in the dust (my husband, the house, the dogs, the baby, myself) and feeling guilty about it all. I must be the least qualified housewife and mother on the planet and somehow my husband never complains and loves me anyway. He even tells me I am beautiful and sexy on a daily basis. He is a saint. and I am not a good mom, but then again...I don't think pinterest really prepared me for this reality. Somewhere in the sea of Montisorri activities for toddlers, and how to decorate a perfect playroom they forgot to mention how to juggle it all. How to keep a house clean, a baby happy and a husband satisfied all while looking and feeling great.

Some day I will figure it out and become a supermom...but not today. Because the baby is up and I've got to survive.

XOXO

Lisa

Half a Year Gone

My baby girl is almost 7 months old now, and we have survived half a year with a new baby. I can't believe we are here already! 

The best thing about parenthood I've heard so far is "the hours are long but the years are short" and nothing has ever been truer and we aren't even one year down yet. It's hard to believe but Matt and I are already starting to look to the future and planning number 2 (god help me).

So, what have I learned in six months? well...I've learned that I am better at this than I originally thought. I've learned that it took me time to fall in love with my child, but now I couldn't imagine loving anyone more than I love her. I have learned to trust my instincts; to make a decision and stick to it. I have learned that consistency is key...with everything. I have learned that I am a terrible scheduler, and that may be my biggest pitfall as a parent. I can now breastfeed in public without any hesitation and have even accidentally left my boob out!!! Can you imagine EVER not knowing your titty is hanging out?! It's outrageous. 

My advice to the upcoming new moms of the world:

It's going to be rough as hell....but it gets easier

Make your man change as many diapers as humanly possible...it will help you hate him and his male genitalia less.

Ask for help

Sleep train that baby as soon as you can

Get on a schedule

Leave the house once a day

Your role to the baby is far more involved than your husbands...it's just biology. They need and want you more, and sometimes that's frustrating and sometimes it is sweet...just enjoy it and settle into your new role as mom

My idea of a good time now is silence...sleep...wine...and good food that I haven't cooked (that's a big one for me)

You may lose all the weight quickly, but getting those muscles back in shape will take a little while. Your core just went through HELL

Settle in to the chaos.

Resist the urge to play russian roulette with having another baby...now that Lyla sleeps through the night we've had some "what the hell" moments and just keep telling yourself NEWBORN, NEWBORN, NEWBORN....or NO WINE if the first mantra doesn't work

It will be difficult keeping up with non-mommy friends....they just wont understand your life and will probably pity you, and your unshowered, yoga pant-wearing exhausted self....but they'll be here eventually and then you get to be the wise older more experienced mother who wears makeup and goes to the gym regularly. So let them go to concerts and rage till the wee hours...because mommyhood is waiting for us all and when they get here, they'll know the struggle is real.

TRY to make yourself look presentable (after you hit the two month mark). You will feel much better about your life. 

There are many many more things I have learned, but my beautiful baby girl is up from her nap and mommy duty calls.

What To Skip When Registering

almost 3 months in to having a new baby and we have gotten pretty used to all the new stuff we have accumulated. There is baby stuff everywhere! As new parents we registered for all the usual suspects, we got the diaper geenie and the baby carrier, the pack n' play and a crib. We styled a perfect nursery months ahead of my due date and prepared everything for the arrival of our precious bundle well in advance.

Now, three months in we are a bit more seasoned and realize that we don't use as much stuff as we originally thought. Yes, it is nice to have developmental toys for the entire first year ready to go but your newborn will barely be able to see your face for the first six weeks, let alone enjoy a playmat.

So here are the items we skipped, and the items we should have skipped:

A Wipe Warmer - totally unnecessary. Your baby will most likely already be squirming and/or crying when you unzip their onesie so a warm butt wipe isn't going to change anything and in all honesty it's just another thing to complicate a process you will be doing 10-15 times a day.

A Highchair - You will eventually need one of these but if you get one at your registry you will just have to find somewhere to store the large box for six months before you need it. Also, a lot of parents will use the Bumbo seat (a registry favorite) instead of a highchair for a while.

Cute Newborn Clothes - I would say a good half of babies grow out of newborn clothes almost instantly, as they only fit babies up to 8lbs. My niece in fact was born too big for newborn clothes, so don't waste your money, instead make sure you have plain white onesies and footed pajamas WITH ZIPPERS. I cannot stress the eureka moment I had the first time I changed Lyla while she was wearing a zippered pajama, trust me, the snaps are god awful and you will thank me that you listened and picked up garments with zippers. Also, one pieces are essential for the newborn...pants are a pain in the butt for diaper changes and I only put Lyla in actual outfits when we are leaving the house...and sometimes not even then.

Newborn Shoes - I am sure someone at your baby shower will be seduced by the adorable baby booties and purchase your little one a pair of newborn shoes. Total waste of money. First of all, they will barely stay on their squirmy hyper-bendable feet. Secondly, newborns can't walk, duh!. If someone wants to get your little one shoes, the smallest size that should be considered is 6-12 months.

Bibs - You may think this is odd, but your baby wont need a bib for months! and when they do, bibs are so cheap and so available that you can pick up a few whenever you find you need them. I have a 3 month old baby and almost 50 different bibs. All still in their packaging and all still unnecessary. You wont really need a bib until your baby starts teething or eating solids, whichever comes first.

A Nursing Cover - If you decide to breastfeed you will eventually need to feed your baby in public. If you need a cover to feel comfortable, a simple muslin swaddle will work just as well if not better than the designated nursing covers. I have yet to see a nursing cover that works well, lets you see your baby, and moms enjoy using. Until one is invented, just skip it altogether.

A Bassinet - Don't get me wrong here, you will need a place for your precious bundle to sleep. However, what has worked for my family is using a pack and play in our bedroom. We chose a Graco model that includes a changing station so we have everything we need to care for Lyla throughout the night without having to go far. A bassinet is adorable, but your baby will outgrow it within six months (if not way sooner) and you will want them in their crib in their own room before then. Then you are left with a completely useless furniture item that you will not want to discard for sentimental reasons. The pack and play is a much better option because it is portable, and grows with your child for several years of good use.

I am sure there are countless other baby knicknacks that you will find while registering that you will ultimately not need. Every baby likes and dislikes different things and every new parent will have to figure out what works for their child. That being said, I am pretty confidant that you can go ahead and skip these few items when registering. You can always purchase them later if you choose to. 

XOXO

Lisa

Fashion Essentials for the Nursing Mom

A lot of things changed when I had Lyla; my whole world was turned upside down by this tiny little person. One thing I didn't expect would change so much was my style. Getting ready to leave the house is more difficult now than when I was styling a whale-sized baby bump. There is a whole world of fashioin out there designed specifically for nursing moms. These choices however are always extreme basics, and much like maternity wear, are EXPENSIVE. The reality is that you only need a few things specifically geared towards the breastfeeding mom and everything else you can piece together from your existing wardrobe. Some of these items I had before baby, and some I have bought since she has arrived (p.s. online shopping and chocolate are my new vices...both I hide from my husband). So here is the real deal on what you need to be a stylish nursing mama.

1. Good nursing bras - I scoured the internet for the best bra for the price...I am definitely a bargain hunter and had a huge problem with spending $60 on a pretty ugly bra just for breastfeeding. I also became aware that you MUST wear a bra to bed so comfy sleep bras are necessities too. This sounds crappy and it is...my comfortable sheets haven't felt a bare titty in months because I leak like crazy at night. So the best daytime bras for under clothes are the Bravado Body Silk Seamless nursing bras...however these run on the expensive side so I only bought one. I then found the iLoveSIA brand of wireless nursing bras on Amazon.com for half the price and I actually like them BETTER than the Bravado one. You can find them Here. For sleeping I prefer the oh so cheap La Leche League brand for $17. I have three pairs and love them, they fit like comfy sports bras and are really easy to use. You can buy them here

2. Nursing pads - If like me you have an abundant milk supply, first of all congratulations! You will read all about other women's struggles with milk supply and you will thank your lucky stars you don't have that issue. What you do have, however, are leaky boobs and milk stained clothes. I suggest you invest in a set of washable nursing pads. The disposable ones are a pain to position in your clothing and you will end up going through a ton of them. I use the Bamboobies nursing pads and love them. I actually wish I had even more than I do because you end up going through them quickly. You can buy those here .


3. Basic nursing tank tops - These are essentials and the only piece of actual nursing attire I bought. You can layer them with cardigans, blazers or jackets and that will become a go-to fashion statement. What I figured out through trial and error is that you do not wear a bra with them. This feels weird at first because most of us ladies never leave the house with the girls so exposed, but these tanks come with a built in shelf-bra and when you add in your nursing pads you have full nipple coverage. You can also wear these under regular sweaters and shirts and then to nurse you can just lift up your shirt and open the nursing tank to expose your breast...this (as you will soon find out) is referred to as the "two shirt method". The best tanks for the job are from Target and they come in a variety of colors and even a henley style.

4. The button down - I've never been an oxford wearing gal, I was never preppy enough for that, but now I find myself cursing my lack of button down shirts. The few I do have are incredibly convenient for nursing and since it is winter here, are also right on style. I have since ordered a few button ups from Old Navy to increase my nursing friendly wardrobe. The button down is extremely versatile, and when worn with a nursing bra is the perfect nursing combo. They can also be layered quite easily which makes them a nursing essential.

5. The cardigan/kimono - Yes, I know it sounds like we are entering the world of extreme mom fashion but trust me when I tell you that you can still be fashionable while swearing a cardigan. The cardigan is going to become your new best friend. You can add one over your nursing tanks or your button down shirt and have a complete outfit. Being not so preppy, I enjoy the kimono style of sweater that has a little casual drape, but the classic cardigan looks stylish too. They can also help hide any milk stains that peak through your tanks (trust me it will happen).

6. Hats - Okay, so not an essential but you will definitely be grabbing for a hat once your baby arrives and you have minimal get-ready time. Your hair will definitely go from a 40-minute process to a wash and go look almost immediately. You will perfect the ponytail and the top knot but sometimes you want to look like you put in effort without actually wasting any time with hair tools....enter, the hat. I am a huge fan of hats and rock one with my outfits whenever possible. They work great at making people think you are a fashionista when in reality you haven't washed your hair and it is crusty with milk spit up. The summer is the perfect time to rock a straw fedora (my fave) or a wide-brimmed look. As it is winter right now I have been partial to the felt fedora, the knit beanie, and the floppy 70's style hat.

7. The wrap dress - Once in a blue moon you are going to want to dress up and that will cause you major anxiety when you realize anything dressy you own has a zippered back (a no-no for nursing). The wrap dress is the perfect solution. It is oh-so-chic and classic and provides the worlds fastest boob access for your little one. They come in thousands of colors and styles and you can usually find them cheap at places like Old Navy and Target.

Dressing your body while you're nursing takes some getting used to. It still takes me way longer to get dressed then it ever used to, but with these staples in your closet it will be much easier. 

What No One Told Me

I have a few moments of quiet before Lyla wakes up, so I figured I would try and get something posted. I've been wanting to write this post for a few weeks now because I was completely blindsided by the whole postpartum process.

So here it is...The Things NO ONE tells you:

1. Labor Isn't A Big Deal
I was pretty surprised by this and explained it in more detail in my last post, but I psyched myself out for weeks before Lyla was born and for no good reason. I understand not everyone's experience is the same but my labor experience was extremely positive, thanks in large part to an awesome staff, chilled out music, and drugs. P.S. Get the epidural!!!

2. Post Labor is Way Worse Than Labor (contractions)
Everyone tells you about their labor story...no one talks about post-labor. It took me hours to regain the use of my legs after the epidural wore off and once I could move I felt like a hobbled invalid. All of my muscles hurt from all the intense pushing I had just done and I couldn't stand up straight for about a day. Also, as soon as you start breastfeeding, which is pretty much immediately, you experience the worst contractions you have ever felt. It was ten times worse than any pain I had felt during labor.

3. The Epidural
I had no idea what an epidural really was...sounds dumb right? well in case y'all are like me and think it is just a shot in the back, let me educate you. An epidural is actually a catheter (tube) that is inserted into your spine and pumps medicine continuously into your nervous system.

4. Postpartum Emotional Mind-Fuck
If you have a medicated birth like I did, be prepared for the after effects. You know that feeling when you come down from a three-night alcohol and drug fueled bender? That empty, delirious feeling you have when you watch the sun come up on a Sunday morning and realize you haven't eaten or slept for way longer than is medically recommended? Sure you do...we've all been there at least once. Well..that's precisely how I felt the night after giving birth. When they took Lyla to the nursery and we were trying to get some much-needed sleep, I all of a sudden felt emotionally drained; devoid of all those new-mom love fuzzies I was supposed to be feeling. I became paranoid that I was never going to bond with my baby and that I was slipping into PPD. Of course I wasn't, but it hadn't occurred to me just how many powerful drugs I had been on for the last 12 hours and what coming down from them would feel like. Once I got some sleep and woke up to the cries of my new baby the next morning, all was right again, but I wish I had known what to expect there.

4. Postpartum Bleeding
Nothing can really prepare you for the amount of blood that will be coming out of your vagina for the foreseeable future. Be sure to stock up (and I mean STOCK UP) on maxi pads and granny panties - if unlike me you don't already own several pairs. I had heard that you bleed postpartum. I had even heard that you need pads on hand. What I wasn't prepared for is the giant ball sized clots of blood that will make their way out of your crotch unexpectedly, or that I would feel a gush of liquid every time I stood up. I also was unprepared to bleed consistently for a month....it makes your period look like a breeze!

5. Breastfeeding Is Hard!
I have had a love/hate (but mostly hate) relationship with breastfeeding from the beginning. I am lucky to have not had any problems with supply, and my baby is more than happy to eat exclusively from my massive tatas. However, I'm just going to say it: it fucking sucks. Breastfeeding has to be the biggest bait and switch of the whole baby experience. You expect it to be uncomfortable but the level of pain you experience just trying to feed your child is unparalleled and seems pretty unnatural. I mean, why would it be so damn painful and difficult if this is the way nature intended you to feed your child?! It makes no sense and I wasn't prepared. There were MANY nights in the early weeks where I would almost be brought to tears by the sensation of her little toothless mouth sucking away on my nipple. My toes would curl and I would cry to my husband that there HAS to be a better way. I felt like quitting a lot, but I knew that wasn't an option for me. I had made the decision to breastfeed my baby as long as I physically could and since my milk was producing fine, I had to literally bear the pain until it got easier. The upside? It DOES get easier. Around the 3rd or 4th week it slowly started to get better and now 5 weeks postpartum I don't need to use a nipple shield and it barely hurts anymore.

6. Night Sweats
Now this is one thing I never even heard about before. Every time I fell asleep I woke up in a puddle of sweat. Drenched. Every. Single. Time. Even while napping. I came to find out that this is entirely normal and that it can last for months after giving birth. So not only are you covered in breast milk (from spraying yourself or from being spit up on) but you also sweat like an Olympic wrestler on steroids. Be prepared to change your sheets and your pajamas often.

7. There Is No Normal
So stop asking. The only answer I ever got about my pregnancy, labor, postpartum recovery and newborn care is that "everyone is different" or "every baby is different". You will get through it all the best you can but no one can tell you what to expect or what your experience will be. Some women have really rough pregnancies, with morning sickness the entire time and horrific pain and some women never get nauseous at all. Some women have a baby bump and 15 extra pounds on them in the first trimester and some start showing a month before they give birth. Some babies sleep through the night from birth and others scream bloody murder until they're two years old. It's all relative, it's all an extreme crap shoot so prepare for the worst and hope for the best and you'll most likely fall somewhere in the middle.

So that's my two cents. That is what I have learned as a first-time mom and I keep learning every day. It should be a sign of things to come that I started this post 2 weeks after Lyla was born and I am just now finishing it 5 weeks post birth. There is no more "down time". The house is a mess, I'm exhausted and this will be my big activity for the day....and it's time to feed her again :-)

XOXO

Lisa

Fitness and Health While Pregnant

My 24 week pregnant self

The theory with fitness and wellness during pregnancy is that pregnancy is not an excuse. Since I've been reading the message boards on the What To Expect app, I have noticed how many women are using pregnancy as an excuse to go all out, and I mean ALL out in regards to their diets. They post pictures and comments about their cravings and indulgences, constantly one-upping each other with more and more trash that they are putting into their bodies.

I should have prefaced this post with the fact that I am a food snob. As a professional chef and a slow food advocate I am a 100% believer in the power of sustainable, local, real food. I have read books on the subject of nutrition and would say that I am pretty knowledgeable on the subject of food. That being said, I don't diet and I LOVE food. I simply eat when I'm hungry and try and make the best choice as to what I put in my body. I love good food, especially carbs and make no apologies for not living a gluten-free existence. I take food very seriously and even more so now that I am pregnant.

This is a time in our lives as women that our decisions on food and wellness are affecting our growing babies and setting the stage for their health and behavior later in life. It is already proven that starting around week 22, a fetus can start to actually taste the food you are eating! It makes me so sad to hear about women drinking soda and eating fast food during pregnancy because they just "had to have it!" because your baby is being exposed to harmful chemicals, preservatives and insane amounts of sodium and processed sugar.

As a pregnant woman myself I call bullsh*t on the craving excuse. Of course there have been times when something especially bad for me sounded great, but you improvise, you satisfy your craving in other ways, or else you satisfy the craving in moderation. The most common pregnancy cravings are for sweets and even I have had them on occasion. My solution is eating fresh fruit. It's the summer here in South Carolina and there are several farms right up the road and let me tell you, nothing you can get from Dairy Queen tastes as good as a farm fresh peach. I seriously can't get enough fruit and have stocked my fridge with fabulous seasonal options like watermelon, nectarines, cherries, peaches and melon. I have also made sure to have squares of dark chocolate and almonds on hand when I need something a little more decadent. The antioxidants in dark chocolate are actually beneficial to your body (especially if you're staying active) and the almonds add a nutritious crunch that adds to the yumminess.

Now on to fitness. I hate working out. I've always been an active person but it has always been a love/hate relationship with exercise. I'm not the girl who loves to wake up at 5:30am and make it to two classes before 9am. I enjoy sleep and on the scale of 1 to lazy, I would rank myself close to sloth-status. However, it's a necessary evil, like going to the doctor or brushing your teeth. In my book, there is no option, you work out, you stay active and you sleep better knowing that you are taking proper care of yourself. Sure, I would love a perfect body and six-pack abs like a Victoria's Secret model but I have made peace with the fact that a) I'm not built that way, and b) I love food too much to ever have 4% body fat. I'm satisfied with staying trim and trying to ease gracefully into my 30's without letting my cellulite spread too rapidly.

Pregnancy makes working out even more tedious. You're exhausted, your body hurts (for good reason) and the notion of exerting extra energy seems impossible. My tip is to give yourself a break in the first trimester. I beat myself up for taking a few weeks away from my normal gym routine once the morning sickness and exhaustion set in. I was terrified that I would never get back to working out and as a result would spend my pregnancy in sweat pants on the couch growing fatter. This was not the case. Once the second trimester hit I felt like myself again and back to the gym I went. You have to modify your workouts to accommodate your growing and changing body, but for the most part I do everything I used to do pre-pregnancy.

Believe it or not, working out helps a LOT with the symptoms you will undoubtedly deal with. I prefer yoga and weight lifting with moderate cardio mixed in. Everyone needs to find what works for them but the key is to stay active! It will make it much easier to lose weight postpartum (so I've been told) and get back to your before baby body.

Pregnancy is an incredible time but it definitely comes with its fair share of challenges. Keeping yourself healthy and active not only benefits you during the journey, it will give your baby a step-up in life from day one.

XOXO

Lisa

First TriMONSTER...a beginers guide to the perils of the first three months

Since I waited until the second trimester to announce that I am pregnant I wanted to go back to not so long ago and recount the not-so-joyous first trimester.

First of all....everything they say is true. It absolutely sucks.

My husband likes to say that when people would ask me how I was feeling I would say "not too bad", but then at home the reality was that I felt like I was dying. He is just about right. I did feel awful. I was nauseous constantly, or at least I was nauseous when I wasn't hungry. I pretty much bounced from starvation to feeling like I was going to throw up for about three weeks (from week 6-about week 10).

I also felt more tired than I have ever felt in my entire life. I have never been a napper, and I found myself in bed from the hours of 1pm-4pm almost every day.

I never threw up, which is why I always responded to questions about my well-being with a "not too bad". I know a lot of women have it worse than me. In fact, a friend of my sisters who is pregnant has not stopped throwing up since her first trimester and she is now almost in her third! Yikes! So in solidarity to those women who have had it far worse than me, I always told people I was doing a-okay.

Although I never actually vomited, I did feel like I had to vomit most days. I'm not sure if that is worse or better than actually throwing up. On one side I feel like if I just pulled the trigger I would feel better...but on the other hand, there is no amount of throwing up that can make a pregnant lady feel any better so it's better to keep down as many calories as you can.

Another myth that was quickly debunked is the bump. This magical baby bump that you believe is your right to wear from the moment of conception. Nope. Not even close. In your first trimester, you not only feel like garbage, but most women aren't telling people that they're pregnant yet and don't look pregnant at all. So you are simply suffering in silence, hoping no one notices that you're sluggish and look like crap and perhaps have gained a few. In my case, I am 14 weeks and 6 days pregnant now and I not only don't have that cute baby bump I was promised, but I just look kinda bloated in the tummy area, like I overindulged in a Chipotle burrito for lunch.

Smells will become your worst enemy. I could, and still can smell EVERYTHING. Things that used to smell good, like gingery asian stir fry, now make me gag. Forget about being able to take the trash out, you will be lucky if you can stand to be in the same room as a full garbage can. This was worse in my first trimester than it is now, thank god but be prepared to be a super-human smeller, kind of like a drug-sniffing dog or a blind person. I swear yesterday I smelled the rain coming well before the first crack of thunder came rolling through.

CARBS! forget about your low-carb, paleo, vegetarian diet...you eat whatever you can stomach to put in your mouth. I have always been a carbohydrate lover but that went into overdrive in my first few months of pregnancy. Carbs and red meat were the only things I could eat, and eat them I did. I felt bad for a little while. I had all these grand plans of being super organic and healthy when I got pregnant and all that went right out the window pretty quickly when I realized the idea of chicken and vegetables made my stomach turn. When you hit this stage of pregnancy it is best to let go and eat whatever sounds good at the time. Everything, including your appetite levels out by the second trimester anyway and your baby will be just fine as long as mommy stays happy and fed.

Speaking of being happy in the first trimester, this is also the time that you deal with your first pangs of fear and the first real decisions you have to make for your future little one. You go to the doctor and get to see your little peanut, just a little speck that looks like nothing and all of a sudden you are aware that it's not just the two of you anymore. You are bombarded with statistics for down syndrome and things called Trisomy 18 and 21. Everyone pretty much knows what down syndrome is already and maybe has even known a neighbor or cousin who has it. The Trisomy's are different. These are chromosomal abnormalities that cause the baby to die pretty much directly after birth. The odds of having one of these chromosomal abnomalities goes up or down depending on certain risk factors, the biggest one being age of the mother, but they also are a product of dumb luck.

The doctor will do his or her best to explain the risks and then you are given the option of testing early. This early testing is the scary part. They specifically do this testing early enough for you to terminate your pregnancy if you get a positive test result. A positive result mind you, is a percentage of probability somewhere around 90%. You are then given the biggest decision of your life...play the odds, or terminate.

My husband and I originally did not even want to do the testing, which only about half of couples decide to do for various reasons. We had decided that nothing would make us terminate so why spend 9 months worrying rather than enjoying the process of being pregnant. We slept on it and then changed our mind, the first noticeable parental thing we've done. We went ahead and tested, wanting to know early if we had to learn up on some sort of disability our child might have. Luckily, the tests came back with a 1/10,000 chance of down syndrome or the Trisomy's. But be prepared that you will be faced with the fear of this possibility and the choice of testing at around 12 weeks pregnant.

My best advice now that I am on the other side of the dreaded first trimester is to remember that it is all temporary. Sleep when you're tired, eat when you're hungry, demand some extra TLC from your hubby or significant other and just breathe and get through it. There really is no other way. I remember thinking around week 7 that I can't imagine doing this more than once...a thought I am sure runs through every first time mom's mind at some point, but now that I am feeling better, eating better and have my energy back I can't imagine only having one kid!

probably the best advice I an give on the first trimester:
Be brave...this too shall pass

XOXO

Lisa