Postpartum Sex

This is a very personal topic, but it should be talked about. After all, sex is what got me in the predicament in the first place.

A good relationship cannot be sustained without intimacy. A lot of couples lessen the amount of sex they are having as D-day (delivery day) approaches due to several factors. A lot of women All women are uncomfortable towards the end, lugging an enormous bump around all day. There is also a good chance that the woman doesn't feel particularly sexy, after all if you aren't going for a monthly waxing the chances of your vagina being in perfect condition are slim to none. Not to mention the idea of sucking a dick for HIS pleasure or getting rammed from behind for HIS pleasure while you stew in discomfort is not particularly appealing. Even Matt and I, who had a very healthy sex life took a dip in the nookie department around 8 months in.

I vowed that I would not be the woman who denied my man sex ever. I said that when the baby came I would be right back to feeling great and wanting to get laid. Well...as with most things regarding this baby I was completely wrong. I was extremely unprepared for how taxing the physical recovery was going to be, how scared I would be for the first time postpartum, and how unpleasurable the entire experience would be.

You vagina has literally just gone through what feels like a grenade going off on the inside. There's trauma and stitches and the entire twat area is like a fucking war zone. Thankfully the good doctors insist upon no sex for 6 weeks, but you better believe at six week to the day my man was ready to get back to business.

I'm not going to lie...the first time was a failure. It hurt, I was as dry as the Sahara desert and I was convinced we were going to royally fuck up my insides. I pulled the plug on the whole endeavour about five thrusts in. With anything there was a definite learning curve. So try, try again we did.
We are now 4 months postpartum and sex has just started to be enjoyable again. Matt has been extremely patient with me, but I find that my sex drive just isn't where it used to be.

I don't know if it is the lack of sleep, the raging hormones or the fact that sex now needs to be quick (which equals less foreplay) and quiet (which is no fun for anyone), but sex after baby just isn't the same. I guess the reason I am sharing all this information is that this whole experience changes every part of your life. There is no going back to what things were before, there is only defining the new normal. We now have to take advantage of the time we do have to make an effort to be intimate. Me, as the woman, had to get through the first several uncomfortable bordering on painful first times having sex after baby in order to regain a vital part of our marriage.

I do believe it is vital to make sex a priority post baby....i have also never been more terrified of getting pregnant lol.

XOXO

Lisa

What To Skip When Registering

almost 3 months in to having a new baby and we have gotten pretty used to all the new stuff we have accumulated. There is baby stuff everywhere! As new parents we registered for all the usual suspects, we got the diaper geenie and the baby carrier, the pack n' play and a crib. We styled a perfect nursery months ahead of my due date and prepared everything for the arrival of our precious bundle well in advance.

Now, three months in we are a bit more seasoned and realize that we don't use as much stuff as we originally thought. Yes, it is nice to have developmental toys for the entire first year ready to go but your newborn will barely be able to see your face for the first six weeks, let alone enjoy a playmat.

So here are the items we skipped, and the items we should have skipped:

A Wipe Warmer - totally unnecessary. Your baby will most likely already be squirming and/or crying when you unzip their onesie so a warm butt wipe isn't going to change anything and in all honesty it's just another thing to complicate a process you will be doing 10-15 times a day.

A Highchair - You will eventually need one of these but if you get one at your registry you will just have to find somewhere to store the large box for six months before you need it. Also, a lot of parents will use the Bumbo seat (a registry favorite) instead of a highchair for a while.

Cute Newborn Clothes - I would say a good half of babies grow out of newborn clothes almost instantly, as they only fit babies up to 8lbs. My niece in fact was born too big for newborn clothes, so don't waste your money, instead make sure you have plain white onesies and footed pajamas WITH ZIPPERS. I cannot stress the eureka moment I had the first time I changed Lyla while she was wearing a zippered pajama, trust me, the snaps are god awful and you will thank me that you listened and picked up garments with zippers. Also, one pieces are essential for the newborn...pants are a pain in the butt for diaper changes and I only put Lyla in actual outfits when we are leaving the house...and sometimes not even then.

Newborn Shoes - I am sure someone at your baby shower will be seduced by the adorable baby booties and purchase your little one a pair of newborn shoes. Total waste of money. First of all, they will barely stay on their squirmy hyper-bendable feet. Secondly, newborns can't walk, duh!. If someone wants to get your little one shoes, the smallest size that should be considered is 6-12 months.

Bibs - You may think this is odd, but your baby wont need a bib for months! and when they do, bibs are so cheap and so available that you can pick up a few whenever you find you need them. I have a 3 month old baby and almost 50 different bibs. All still in their packaging and all still unnecessary. You wont really need a bib until your baby starts teething or eating solids, whichever comes first.

A Nursing Cover - If you decide to breastfeed you will eventually need to feed your baby in public. If you need a cover to feel comfortable, a simple muslin swaddle will work just as well if not better than the designated nursing covers. I have yet to see a nursing cover that works well, lets you see your baby, and moms enjoy using. Until one is invented, just skip it altogether.

A Bassinet - Don't get me wrong here, you will need a place for your precious bundle to sleep. However, what has worked for my family is using a pack and play in our bedroom. We chose a Graco model that includes a changing station so we have everything we need to care for Lyla throughout the night without having to go far. A bassinet is adorable, but your baby will outgrow it within six months (if not way sooner) and you will want them in their crib in their own room before then. Then you are left with a completely useless furniture item that you will not want to discard for sentimental reasons. The pack and play is a much better option because it is portable, and grows with your child for several years of good use.

I am sure there are countless other baby knicknacks that you will find while registering that you will ultimately not need. Every baby likes and dislikes different things and every new parent will have to figure out what works for their child. That being said, I am pretty confidant that you can go ahead and skip these few items when registering. You can always purchase them later if you choose to. 

XOXO

Lisa

The New Normal (Sleeping through the night)

I haven't wanted to put this in writing out of fear but here it goes....my baby is almost sleeping through the night!!!!

Que the happy dance!!

She now goes to bed around 7pm, wakes up ONCE at 3am to eat and then sleeps until 7am. For those of you who sleep all night every night, either with some sort of miracle baby or because you have yet to have one, you have no idea how huge this is. Since Lyla was born we have been waking up 3 times a night!!! Now, out of no where and with no sleep scheduling from us she is pleasantly sleeping through the night.

HOWEVER....and this is a big however...she makes the hours of 4pm-7/8pm an absolute fucking nightmare. She screams, and when I say she screams she wails like a banshee for no reason for three straight hours. She doesn't want to be in her swing or put down. She does want to be held and rocked and walked around the house, but even that doesn't keep her quiet for long. She also does an incredible fake out. When you think she has finally taken that binky into her mouth and fallen into a peaceful slumber, she will arise from that docile state a red-faced demon-child and scream tear-filled howls at the top of her lungs.

It is hard to say which scenario is worse...a happy quiet baby who naps easily throughout the day but wakes up three times a night, or a baby that gives you a full night of sleep but makes you want to hang yourself every evening.

XOXO

Lisa

What No One Told Me

I have a few moments of quiet before Lyla wakes up, so I figured I would try and get something posted. I've been wanting to write this post for a few weeks now because I was completely blindsided by the whole postpartum process.

So here it is...The Things NO ONE tells you:

1. Labor Isn't A Big Deal
I was pretty surprised by this and explained it in more detail in my last post, but I psyched myself out for weeks before Lyla was born and for no good reason. I understand not everyone's experience is the same but my labor experience was extremely positive, thanks in large part to an awesome staff, chilled out music, and drugs. P.S. Get the epidural!!!

2. Post Labor is Way Worse Than Labor (contractions)
Everyone tells you about their labor story...no one talks about post-labor. It took me hours to regain the use of my legs after the epidural wore off and once I could move I felt like a hobbled invalid. All of my muscles hurt from all the intense pushing I had just done and I couldn't stand up straight for about a day. Also, as soon as you start breastfeeding, which is pretty much immediately, you experience the worst contractions you have ever felt. It was ten times worse than any pain I had felt during labor.

3. The Epidural
I had no idea what an epidural really was...sounds dumb right? well in case y'all are like me and think it is just a shot in the back, let me educate you. An epidural is actually a catheter (tube) that is inserted into your spine and pumps medicine continuously into your nervous system.

4. Postpartum Emotional Mind-Fuck
If you have a medicated birth like I did, be prepared for the after effects. You know that feeling when you come down from a three-night alcohol and drug fueled bender? That empty, delirious feeling you have when you watch the sun come up on a Sunday morning and realize you haven't eaten or slept for way longer than is medically recommended? Sure you do...we've all been there at least once. Well..that's precisely how I felt the night after giving birth. When they took Lyla to the nursery and we were trying to get some much-needed sleep, I all of a sudden felt emotionally drained; devoid of all those new-mom love fuzzies I was supposed to be feeling. I became paranoid that I was never going to bond with my baby and that I was slipping into PPD. Of course I wasn't, but it hadn't occurred to me just how many powerful drugs I had been on for the last 12 hours and what coming down from them would feel like. Once I got some sleep and woke up to the cries of my new baby the next morning, all was right again, but I wish I had known what to expect there.

4. Postpartum Bleeding
Nothing can really prepare you for the amount of blood that will be coming out of your vagina for the foreseeable future. Be sure to stock up (and I mean STOCK UP) on maxi pads and granny panties - if unlike me you don't already own several pairs. I had heard that you bleed postpartum. I had even heard that you need pads on hand. What I wasn't prepared for is the giant ball sized clots of blood that will make their way out of your crotch unexpectedly, or that I would feel a gush of liquid every time I stood up. I also was unprepared to bleed consistently for a month....it makes your period look like a breeze!

5. Breastfeeding Is Hard!
I have had a love/hate (but mostly hate) relationship with breastfeeding from the beginning. I am lucky to have not had any problems with supply, and my baby is more than happy to eat exclusively from my massive tatas. However, I'm just going to say it: it fucking sucks. Breastfeeding has to be the biggest bait and switch of the whole baby experience. You expect it to be uncomfortable but the level of pain you experience just trying to feed your child is unparalleled and seems pretty unnatural. I mean, why would it be so damn painful and difficult if this is the way nature intended you to feed your child?! It makes no sense and I wasn't prepared. There were MANY nights in the early weeks where I would almost be brought to tears by the sensation of her little toothless mouth sucking away on my nipple. My toes would curl and I would cry to my husband that there HAS to be a better way. I felt like quitting a lot, but I knew that wasn't an option for me. I had made the decision to breastfeed my baby as long as I physically could and since my milk was producing fine, I had to literally bear the pain until it got easier. The upside? It DOES get easier. Around the 3rd or 4th week it slowly started to get better and now 5 weeks postpartum I don't need to use a nipple shield and it barely hurts anymore.

6. Night Sweats
Now this is one thing I never even heard about before. Every time I fell asleep I woke up in a puddle of sweat. Drenched. Every. Single. Time. Even while napping. I came to find out that this is entirely normal and that it can last for months after giving birth. So not only are you covered in breast milk (from spraying yourself or from being spit up on) but you also sweat like an Olympic wrestler on steroids. Be prepared to change your sheets and your pajamas often.

7. There Is No Normal
So stop asking. The only answer I ever got about my pregnancy, labor, postpartum recovery and newborn care is that "everyone is different" or "every baby is different". You will get through it all the best you can but no one can tell you what to expect or what your experience will be. Some women have really rough pregnancies, with morning sickness the entire time and horrific pain and some women never get nauseous at all. Some women have a baby bump and 15 extra pounds on them in the first trimester and some start showing a month before they give birth. Some babies sleep through the night from birth and others scream bloody murder until they're two years old. It's all relative, it's all an extreme crap shoot so prepare for the worst and hope for the best and you'll most likely fall somewhere in the middle.

So that's my two cents. That is what I have learned as a first-time mom and I keep learning every day. It should be a sign of things to come that I started this post 2 weeks after Lyla was born and I am just now finishing it 5 weeks post birth. There is no more "down time". The house is a mess, I'm exhausted and this will be my big activity for the day....and it's time to feed her again :-)

XOXO

Lisa