Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Buzzing Philosophical

it finally happened! a whole evening to myself!! The baby is asleep, Matt is off doing a seminar for work and I am home reveling in the silence and drinking wine by myself. So here it is...a semi-buzzed synopsis of my life as it stands.

My life is fucking incredible. Let's just get that out of the way. I live the American dream with a best friend husband who is my own personal version of Paul Rudd and a baby that could be the next Cabbage Patch spokesperson 2015. We just moved into a new house in a gold course neighborhood and pretty much all my life expectations have been met thus far. I am going to include photos of our new house here because I've been too busy to write a post about all he renovations we've done.

Okay so the house stuff is going great...those were just photos of the parts of the house that we have good before and after photos of but I will add more I promise.

Anyways...motherhood. I have literally become what I used to consider to be such a cliche. I am a suburban stay-at-home mom with a diamond on my hand, driving around in an Audi and going to the gym most days. I quietly hope it doesn't make me lame. I'm sure it does. I used to be so adventurous and now I am the picture of normalcy. Actually...I want to take that part back. Matt and I are not normal. Matt and I are the exception. Remember in that movie "He's Just Not That Into You" when Ginnifer Goodwin went all stalker crazy and told Jennifer Aniston and that annoying dark haired chick about how there are girls who are exceptions to the rules of dating. I would elaborate to make sure you're folling me but I am CERTAIN that you know exactly what I am talking about. Well..the "rule" of marriages (from what I have witnessed and learned) is this: husbands and wives have together time and they have apart time. Men typically enjoy their time away from their wives and wives like to get together and complain about their husbands. They [husbands and wives] are two separate parts of one machine that may or may not be compatible for long term. That, to me, is the "rule". The proof in the pudding, so to speak, is the statistic that we all know: 50% of marriages end in divorce. To me, this is not surprising. I have seen a LOT of couples who I would not be surprised if they didn't make it five, ten, or fifteen years from now. I am not trying to get on a high horse or anything but I am 1000% sure that Matt and I will be together forever. We are the "exception". We are the best friends that happen to have sex and raise babies together. 

Anyway...My wine buzzed ass has gotten horrendously off topic. What I wanted to talk about was motherhood. 

I am now 8.5 months into motherhood. Lyla is scooting/crawling around, has two teeth and claps, reaches out for me, and is a very opinionated little lady. More than I want to talk about the marvels of my obviously extraordinary first born I wanted to take a moment and talk about motherhood. I have written about it before on here but it has been a while. If you can't tell I am not the flower child of motherhood. Yes, I still breastfeed my infant but I will not homeschool or let her be on the boob till she's 5. Breastfeeding has actually been my least favorite part of having a baby. God help the second kid...they're definitely not being breastfed as long. If I am being honest...I fucking hate breastfeeding!......It feels good to say that. Lyla not only grazes on my tit all freakin day long but she has started this weird habit where she tweaks and pulls on my other nipple while she is feeding. She literally sucks on one nipple and grabs the other with her clawlike infant paws and tweaks my already mangled nipples like they're playdough. It's bullshit is what it is.

The reality is that it doesn't matter what she does honestly doesn't matter if she grows up to be a serial killer, I will still love her. She tweaks my nipples and goes through these awful sleep regressions and requires 99% of my attention all the time and has made my boobs soft and saggy and you know what!? I would murder for that girl. If she called and told me she accidentally killed someone, I would dispose of the body no questions asked. This is how I know I am a mom. 

You do what you have to do and somehow its worth it.


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