Mommy Body Rant

I have to take a minute and vent this morning. I know I have it a lot better than most women who just had a baby but I don't care...I'm going to vent anyway.

Let me start off by saying I love my body for what it can do. Being able to carry and provide food for a child is amazing...blah blah blah. All of that "my body is a miracle" stuff just isn't getting me through today.

Today I got dressed...in jeans no less! And looking in the mirror at my growing mass of cellulite on my now soft and pliable ass has me down in the dumps. My pants are strapping in all the excess fleshy rolls my bouncing baby girl put on to my body. Actually...if we are being technical, it wasn't the pregnancy it all! I was working out until seven-and-a-half month pregnant and I was feeling great! It was the time off of the gym that's gotten me lamenting my new soft form.

I am not a gym junkie by any means, however, my time away from the gym has left me weak and flabby and I am totally down on myself. I can't get to the gym at all anymore because my husband is so busy with work that he can't watch her at all during the day, and my gym wont take her in daycare until six months old.

I know, I know, I could work out at home. But have you EVER tried to work out in a house with three dogs and a baby? I've never been a fan of working out at home anyway and now it seems even more impossible. The weather is freezing so I can't go for walks with the baby and all my negative energy is just accumulating in a wave of self-loathing and frustration.

I should feel lucky and grateful that I've lost the baby weight and made it through stretch-mark free...but I just fucking don't right now. Right now I feel out of shape, fat, and depressed about the upcoming bikini season. I love my girlfriends down here in Charleston but they are all fucking bikini models! and no, I am not being dramatic...they actually model bikinis. In public. For money. That is how hot and tall and skinny and blonde these girls are. I am usually an extremely confidant woman in regards to how I look, but post-baby, sans-gym and no turn around in sight is not a good combination. Not to mention all the new aches and pains fro carrying around a 13lb baby all the time.

I'm just mad. I want to get back to the gym to rectify my muffin top and feel good in my body again and that isn't going to happen anytime soon.

Fuck me.

XOXO

Lisa