Buzzing Philosophical

it finally happened! a whole evening to myself!! The baby is asleep, Matt is off doing a seminar for work and I am home reveling in the silence and drinking wine by myself. So here it is...a semi-buzzed synopsis of my life as it stands.

My life is fucking incredible. Let's just get that out of the way. I live the American dream with a best friend husband who is my own personal version of Paul Rudd and a baby that could be the next Cabbage Patch spokesperson 2015. We just moved into a new house in a gold course neighborhood and pretty much all my life expectations have been met thus far. I am going to include photos of our new house here because I've been too busy to write a post about all he renovations we've done.

Okay so the house stuff is going great...those were just photos of the parts of the house that we have good before and after photos of but I will add more I promise.

Anyways...motherhood. I have literally become what I used to consider to be such a cliche. I am a suburban stay-at-home mom with a diamond on my hand, driving around in an Audi and going to the gym most days. I quietly hope it doesn't make me lame. I'm sure it does. I used to be so adventurous and now I am the picture of normalcy. Actually...I want to take that part back. Matt and I are not normal. Matt and I are the exception. Remember in that movie "He's Just Not That Into You" when Ginnifer Goodwin went all stalker crazy and told Jennifer Aniston and that annoying dark haired chick about how there are girls who are exceptions to the rules of dating. I would elaborate to make sure you're folling me but I am CERTAIN that you know exactly what I am talking about. Well..the "rule" of marriages (from what I have witnessed and learned) is this: husbands and wives have together time and they have apart time. Men typically enjoy their time away from their wives and wives like to get together and complain about their husbands. They [husbands and wives] are two separate parts of one machine that may or may not be compatible for long term. That, to me, is the "rule". The proof in the pudding, so to speak, is the statistic that we all know: 50% of marriages end in divorce. To me, this is not surprising. I have seen a LOT of couples who I would not be surprised if they didn't make it five, ten, or fifteen years from now. I am not trying to get on a high horse or anything but I am 1000% sure that Matt and I will be together forever. We are the "exception". We are the best friends that happen to have sex and raise babies together. 

Anyway...My wine buzzed ass has gotten horrendously off topic. What I wanted to talk about was motherhood. 

I am now 8.5 months into motherhood. Lyla is scooting/crawling around, has two teeth and claps, reaches out for me, and is a very opinionated little lady. More than I want to talk about the marvels of my obviously extraordinary first born I wanted to take a moment and talk about motherhood. I have written about it before on here but it has been a while. If you can't tell I am not the flower child of motherhood. Yes, I still breastfeed my infant but I will not homeschool or let her be on the boob till she's 5. Breastfeeding has actually been my least favorite part of having a baby. God help the second kid...they're definitely not being breastfed as long. If I am being honest...I fucking hate breastfeeding!......It feels good to say that. Lyla not only grazes on my tit all freakin day long but she has started this weird habit where she tweaks and pulls on my other nipple while she is feeding. She literally sucks on one nipple and grabs the other with her clawlike infant paws and tweaks my already mangled nipples like they're playdough. It's bullshit is what it is.

The reality is that it doesn't matter what she does anymore...it honestly doesn't matter if she grows up to be a serial killer, I will still love her. She tweaks my nipples and goes through these awful sleep regressions and requires 99% of my attention all the time and has made my boobs soft and saggy and you know what!? I would murder for that girl. If she called and told me she accidentally killed someone, I would dispose of the body no questions asked. This is how I know I am a mom. 

You do what you have to do and somehow its worth it.

XOXO

Lisa

Lyla's First Trip!! 3 Months Old

It has taken me a long time to write this post. Lately, Lyla requires more attention than ever, leaving me exhausted and mentally drained during her nap times when I usually write.

Feb. 13th-17th our family made its first trip as a trio!

We went down to Naples, Florida to visit Matt's parents. We were excited and anxious, it was the first time we have taken Lyla on such a long car ride and we weren't sure how she would handle it. Thankfully we had nothing to worry about. She was a champ! We left at the ass crack of dawn...actually, it wasn't even dawn, it was 1:30am. We had planned to wait until Lyla's middle of the night feed, usually around 3am. That night however, she decided to get up and be wide awake at 1:30am so we decided to just go with it. We fed her, packed up her pack n' play and got on the road by 2am.

The drive was pretty uneventful. We had to stop a couple of times to feed and change her but mostly she slept. When we arrived the weather was great; a little cooler than expected (in fact it was record lows for Florida) but it was warmer than home so we didn't mind. We had planned to spend most of the trip by the pool, but that wasn't going to work anymore, so we improvised with one trip downtown each day. We went out to two great lunches, both times I was worried about Lyla waking up and being fussy but she surprised and impressed us all by sleeping soundly for both outings.

Our last day was the best weather-wise. It was 75 and sunny and we took full advantage by getting Lyla into the pool for her first time ever! It was so cute and exciting to see her face as we played in the kiddie pool at my in-law's community pool complex. She loved it! It was just the sort of adorable family activity I had been anticipating and dreaming of while I was pregnant.

Lyla with Grandma Mary

Lyla turned 3 months during our trip on Valentines Day! Getting so big already

To Name or Not to Name...That Was The Question

My husband was raised methodist, I on the otherhand was raised Jewish. We had a non-religious civil marriage ceremony and actually agree on all points of faith. The Jesus thing doesn't even come up. There are the occasional awkward moments when his mother says grace before a meal or my parents have us over for Shabbat dinner but other than that, in our own home, religion is never an issue.

We do a mennorah and a christmas tree and I have embraced the yule tide season with all the childhood glee barred from me as a Jewish kid on Christmas. However, we now have a three month old daughter and believe it or not, we have to make the decision now as to how she will be raised. Wehad long ago agreed to raise her Jewish. I should say "raise her Jewish" with quotation marks because my wonderful hubby didn't really have a clue as to what that meant or entailed...he just knew it was what I wanted. My parents have been suggesting a naming ceremony, which is a Jewish rite of passage where a baby girl is brought up in front of her new congregation and given a hebrew name, it is a ceremonial welcoming into the Jewish faith, much like a baptism would be for a Christian baby.

Our circumstances with our families is rocky to say the least. My parents straight up refuse to commingle with Matt's father and step-mother (there's a lot of bad history between them). So they wanted to do Lyla's naming at their temple with just my family and maybe invite Matt's other two parents. This unfortunately gave Matt and I so much anxiety that we originally decided to not do the ceremony at all.

Now, however, we both have realized that that is not an acceptable response to an awkward situation. So we are going ahead with the naming ceremony and the "raising her jewish" thing. My brilliant husband was actually the one who came up with the solution to the interfaith family issue as well as the naming ceremony. We are going to attend and become members of the Reform Jewish temple here in Charleston, not the conservative temple my parents belong to.

Reform Judaism is not how I was raised, I was raised more conservative, however, taking a step down to what I will call "Judaism-light" is just perfect for our little interfaith baby. As Matt put it, it doesn't make sense to raise our daughter how I was raised because she is completely different. She will be growing up in the South, for one, and with 90% of her family being non-Jewish. We plan to join the temple as a family and Matt will attend services with us but he will have no pressure to convert. I personally have no interest in Matt ever converting, or us raising our daughter without all the beautiful traditions of his side of the family. I think Lyla will benefit from an open and accepting upbringing that incorporates both of her parents religious backgrounds, while still "choosing a side" if you will.

This issue has caused a lot of anxiety for my husband and I and now we are on the same page and excited about joining a religious community as a whole family.

XOXO

Lisa

Third Trimester Update: fears, hopes and dreams

I am starting to slack off on doing these bump pictures. Mostly because I'm usually wearing pajamas, with no bra, and a face full of "I woke up like this". Last night however I managed to put on a cute outfit and actually do my hair and makeup because my in-laws were taking my hubby and I out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. You know it's been a while since you've gotten dolled up when your husband can't stop commenting on how pretty you are. He seriously raved about it, which made me realize that he hasn't seen me dressed up and looking sexy in quite some time. Something I hope to remember and do a better job at...even when baby comes (but we'll see lol).

So all four of us went to dinner at this great little Italian place on Sullivan's Island called the Obstinate Daughter. The meal was great and despite some awkwardness, the conversation flowed well and we all had a great time. It didn't hurt that Matt and both his parents probably drank a bottle of wine to the face (while I soberly sipped on my water) Aah in-laws.

So I am entering the phase of pregnancy that everyone dreads....the last month. I've got about five weeks left, give or take some days, and I have hit a weird phase. I am at once, both excited with anticipation and terrified. I feel like there is so much longer to be pregnant, and I also feel like this baby is coming fast! It is so bizarre to be on this knife edge of emotions and be going back and forth multiple times a day.

I am down-to-my-bones terrified of having a baby. I know deep down that I will be a great mom, I've always wanted to be a mom and I already love this little girl so much it makes me cry. What I am terrified of is the unknown, mostly the labor, delivery and aftermath that will ravage my body, mind and emotions. My mom had postpartum depression after she had me and she told me that it can be hereditary. In all honesty there is a history of depression in my family and I am terrified that it will rear its ugly head in me at the moment when I should be experiencing the greatest joy.

Besides the emotional fallout of having a baby, I am definitely scared of the physical act of birthing a human out of my vagina. Like, how exactly is it going to fit? I am well aware of my body and I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that the same lady bits that get a bit sore after some rough sex are going to stretch enough accomodate an entire person....that just seems like some crazy science fiction shit. Then, of course, being big and pregnant every woman wants to tell me their story or their friends story, or their cousins story about how they tore their entire perineum, or the baby had such a big head it broke their tail bone, or any number of other gruesome things that I do not want to be hearing. I still remember being traumatized from watching the birthing video in 8th-grade biology...I DO NOT need to hear about some other woman's emergency c-section...it will NOT make me more prepared, or less anxious. The crazy thing is that almost everyone I've talked to said that the labor wasn't that bad!! That the recovery once you're home, and off the drugs, and taking care of the newborn is the worst. That you bleed for weeks and you're sore, and going pee is like a 30 minute exercise in hospital-grade hygiene. 

And then....there are the baby books. Matt and I decided it was a good idea to read up as much as we can about the first few months of having a baby because we really don't have a clue what to expect. So we bought three very well respected and recommended books and i can summarize all three in a few short words: It's all down hill from here. Yes there is the outpouring of happy hormones and you are all in love with your baby, but physically, you've just lived through the equivalent of breaking all your bones at once while being set on fire...and now, a tiny human is chewing your nipples off. I might be blowing the recovery time way out of proportion, and I do hear those love hormones really do send you into euphoria as soon as you hold your new little miracle...but while I'm over here on the still pregnant side of things, it just sounds awful.

I don't want to sound like I am bitching too hard. I know that being able to get pregnant in and of itself is a miracle and I honestly have had an easy pregnancy and enjoyed the feeling of growing my child...but I wouldn't be me and it wouldn't be honest to say that I am looking forward to every moment of the next six weeks. I've got about a month left of being pregnant and it is starting to suck. There's no way around it. Last night I ended up with such horrific back pain that I needed Matt to lean on in order to walk to the bedroom! I literally felt like I had broken my tail bone or something had gone seriously wrong. The baby is growing so much that the pressure on my ribs feels like I might pop one out of place and the pressure on my lungs is making it hard to breathe and causing my heart to race.

Alright....switching gears. No one needs to read any more bitching from an 8 month pregnant lady who didn't sleep last night. What I want to end this post on is a positive note, so now I will tell you all about everything I am excited for.

First and foremost, I can't wait to meet my daughter. It sounds really corny but I am so unbelievably in love with Matt that I think it is the coolest miracle in the universe that we have come together to make this brand new person that is our two souls combined. She is going to be a part of both of us and the greatest way to celebrate our love. I couldn't be more excited for Matt to be her dad, and for me to be her mom. I can't wait to see what she looks like, what her personality is like, who she is. I can't wait to raise her to love life, and to always look on the sunny side of things. I can't wait to watch her grow and change every day and to see her first moments. not even the big moments. Like, do you remember the first time you tried ice cream? or the first time you saw the ocean? I get to see those first moments in her life, the ones that she wont remember or think of as milestones. I get to watch this glorious little person discover the world!! I get to watch her be curious and excited about everything! I get to read to her at night and start family traditions that she will cherish for a lifetime. Matt and I get to show her what a marriage should be, and she will learn through our example that a happy home is full of music and laughter and silliness and cuddles. We will sing silly songs and teach her how to tie her shoes.

I can't wait for all of it. I am so in awe of it all. It really is the most amazing thing I will ever do with my life, and the most important. If I can live a long life, and have my only accomplishment be that I was a good wife and mother, I will die a happy old woman warm in my bed............like Rose from Titanic (lol).

XOXO

Lisa

Babymoon in Colorado

The idea of a babymoon is pretty simple: take a trip before you enter your third trimester to spend some quality time with your partner before you become parents. We conveniently had a family wedding to attend this past weekend, just a week before I would enter the "no fly" phase of pregnancy. The wedding was of Matt's cousin Chad Gardner to Elizabeth Toohey. I had met them both two years ago at a family reunion and had a great time, so I knew this was going to be a fun wedding.

We arrived in Denver on the Thursday before the wedding. We spent the day exploring the area and took a particular liking to the city of Boulder. We sat outside at a little Italian trattoria and had lunch before Matt treated me to my first ever prenatal massage. I couldn't have felt more spoiled and I might have to make those massages a regular thing. Once my massage was done, we drove back in to Denver.  Matt had a good buddy from college who we spent the night with before heading on our way to Aspen the next day.

The drive was absolutely gorgeous. The weather was cold and cloudy but we welcomed the break from Charleston's sweltering August heat. On our way to Aspen we stopped in Vail to see another city and grabbed a cup of hot apple cider as we walked around. It was the perfect break from the drive, which all-in-all took about 4 hours from Denver. That night was the rehearsal dinner which was held at a local Mexican restaurant. 100 family and friends piled in to drink margaritas and mingle. It was a great opportunity to socialize with Matt's family, but I was so exhausted by the end! The change in altitude really effected me that first night so Matt took me home around 8:30pm and I crashed.


The wedding in Aspen was everything you would think. Matt's cousin and his fiance were married on the top of Aspen Mountain. We rode the gondola up to the summit (where is was 39 degrees) and were given blankets to keep us warm during the outdoor ceremony. Cold weather aside, the ceremony was absolutely gorgeous and went off without a hitch. The view from the top of the mountain was spectacular and the sun even came out at the end!

After the ceremony we all piled into the lodge that had been rented out as the reception venue. We were greeted by waiters carrying trays of wine and champagne. The cocktail hour was stocked with some of my favorite foods including a to-die for charcuterie and cheese selection, mini tomato soups with grilled cheese, burrata on spoons with roasted red peppers, just to name a few of the options. Considering I can't drink, the food was definitely the highlight for me, although the wine that I tasted was also excellent.

Keeping with the great food, the reception definitely boasted the best wedding food I have ever had.Scratch that, the meal at this wedding was one of the better meals I have had in the past few months anywhere! and that's saying a lot! It started with a burrata and tomato salad with arugula and basil and a light balsamic drizzle. Then there was a choice of entree, but Matt and I shared both options which were a pan-seared halibut and a filet Mignon.

I have always been a hater of cake at weddings and this wedding may have just changed my mind completely. Whether or not that has to do with the fact that sugar is all I have now that I can't drink alcohol, this wedding cake was amazing! First there was a dessert course that had three little mini desserts (a chocolate caramel tart, a chocolate coconut mini cupcake, and a fruity mini cheesecake). After we devoured those, the wedding cake came around (no cake cutting ceremony) and it was red velvet with strawberry jam and a cream cheese frosting. It was to die for!!!

We had such a fantastic time in Colorado and it was so wonderful to be able to get to spend some quality time with my hubby before the baby comes. I think it is important to get away together before your life completely changes, but it sure was nice to come home too.

 XOXO

Lisa