I'm Not a Good Mom

I'm not a good mom. Let's get that out of the way. Saying that gets all the pressure off, and believe me there is a TON of pressure. If I were to be judged on the bell curve of moms and wives I would say I fall in the middle-upper range. I don't give my kid junk to eat, I keep her safe and try and keep her happy. And somehow I ALWAYS feel like I am failing.

I feel like I am either failing at being a mom, a wife, or a housekeeper at all times. On most days I am mediocre at all three and have a bad attitude to boot. My poor freakin' saint of a husband works all day, comes home, straps the baby to his chest an proceeds to vacuum/do laundry/dishes etc. He is some sort of superhero and it makes me feel about two inches tall. Like: how come I couldn't have just done that?

Every day of my life with Lyla I begin with the grandest intentions of deep cleaning the bathrooms, or doing a full shop at Wholefoods and planning out delicious and healthy meals for the week ahead of time, or even engaging my child in homemade crafty educational games. Want to know how that usually turns out? haha not even close. I go to the gym most days because they have cheap babysitting and I love my enorphins. (Don't worry, I am also failing at having a flawless post-baby beach body because I love wine and carbs too much, so add that to another on my list of shortcomings). After the gym we play in her playroom...usually with the t.v. on (another fail) and I let her watch some shows while eating lunch. We play. We play some more. Then around 2pm she goes down for her nap in a fit of screams and protests and all my intentions of deep cleaning anything go out the window with the sight of my cozy bed and the promise of an episode of The Real Housewives on my DVR.

Inevitably she doesn't nap for as long as she should and I get her up, and nurse her and we start with the playing over again. Sometimes we will go out for an afternoon activity where I inevitably end up spending money (another fail) and then I pray for the time to pass quickly till bedtime. Then the mom guilt sets in that I want my baby to go to bed so I can have some peace. and the guilt over not accomplishing ANYTHING of value that day. and the guilt that I will need two (maybe three) glasses of wine to unwind and feel like myself again. Then I will cook dinner...every night I cook and that is by far my only and biggest contribution to the household on a daily basis.

After dinner my husband and I will crawl into bed at an unreasonably early hour and I will try and muster up the energy to enthusiastically have sex because, hey, my hubby is a dude and oh yea, did I mention he wants to get pregnant again ASAP?

I must fail at a thousand things a day, constantly leaving someone in the dust (my husband, the house, the dogs, the baby, myself) and feeling guilty about it all. I must be the least qualified housewife and mother on the planet and somehow my husband never complains and loves me anyway. He even tells me I am beautiful and sexy on a daily basis. He is a saint. and I am not a good mom, but then again...I don't think pinterest really prepared me for this reality. Somewhere in the sea of Montisorri activities for toddlers, and how to decorate a perfect playroom they forgot to mention how to juggle it all. How to keep a house clean, a baby happy and a husband satisfied all while looking and feeling great.

Some day I will figure it out and become a supermom...but not today. Because the baby is up and I've got to survive.

XOXO

Lisa

Gender Equality...?

Has anything really changed since 1950? and more importantly, do we want it to?

Back in the golden age of yesteryear the gender roles were clearly defined. Men go to work, and provide for the family. The woman stays home to tend the house and children. These lines had been drawn since the dawn of man, but in our generation, women seem to think that subscribing to their traditional roles and wives and mothers somehow belittles their worth or their ambitions outside of the home. Have we, the fairer sex, convinced ourselves that our worth is best measured by our career or educational accomplishments? And furthermore, what has this done to the state of matrimony?

I have never considered myself a feminist, so those who are inclined to burn their bras and blame men for their problems had better stop reading right now. I believe in the yin and the yang of the universe, that each thing has an equal yet opposite counterpart. We believe this to be true in science and yet not in discussing social equality. Everyone has to be on the same playing field. We have gone so far as to completely ignore biological biases in gender, race or ethnicity. We are all different, men, women, different races, people from different parts of the world are all genetically designed differently. But back to my main point which is, if we assume that everyone is created with a unique set of skills, then why would it surprise anyone that women are best suited to the home?

Let us take out the antiquated presumption that women HAVE to stay home from this discussion and just talk about the present state of things. In a world where a woman is encouraged to seek employment outside of the home, are they happier? Do marriages work better with a career driven woman?

Some would argue that they are. There is definitely a sense of fulfillment you get from working and making your own money. But, I would argue that there are some unforeseen consequences.The first of which is a power struggle in the relationship between the traditional provider, the husband, and the career focused wife. When the woman makes more money, do the power roles shift? Does the man feel less like the provider and protector of his family? And does a wife feel the added burden of juggling both the home duties and the money making? I am the first to admit that I don't have the answers. My home/work situation is extremely unique because I am an entrepreneur who works mainly from home AND I am also not a domestic goddess by any means. But the question is worth thinking about. Were things easier when we all knew where we stood and what was expected of us? Are marriage and gender roles being re-written as more and more women forgo children and marriage for the money and prestige of high paying jobs? What will marriages look like in 50 more years? Will women continue to fight for equality to the point of eradicating chivalry and courting lest it be construed as sexist? And the most interesting question is, is this good for us as a species?

Are You Doing Enough?....Overachievers and Why I Hate Them

As women we always feel the need to do it all. We work our asses off to become successful business women, friends, wives and mothers all the while trying to maintain a balance between being sexy and classy, smart and funny.

Sometimes it seems like some women have it all together. These superheroes of womanhood appear to have more hours in the day than regular people and use their time to build empires and become moguls. I'm talking about admirable women heroes like Lauren Conrad, Beyonce, Bethany Frankel the ultimate mom-ager Kris Jenner and my person hero, Giada DeLaurentis. These women wear many hats and work hard every day, putting the rest of us to shame. And they STILL find the time for an active social life, perfectly fit bodies, flawless makeup and hair oh yea, and a mess of kids on the side.

Role models like these are easy to look up to but let's face it, they're celebrities and therefore lead lives that aren't realistic expectations of reality. Then there are your real life friends and acquaintances who seem to be super-human.

Here are the women I'm talking about and why I, and most of the world could never live up to the bars they set:

1. The Woman Who Just Posted That She's Signed Up For Her 13th Marathon:
We get it. You run. You love to run. You love running so much you do it for fun, you do it in the rain, sleet, snow or dark of night. You would run around a house, and you would run behind a mouse. Running is becoming the new addiction to fat and skinny girls alike and ESPECIALLY by the formerly fat women that have run into a teeny tiny body and plan to run across the country until they are as famous as forest gump and his scraggly homeless-man beard. I could never, ever, EVER be this girl. I hate running and all its disciples. I blame this on the fact that I have flat feet and bad knees but in all honesty I am just a mouth breather who would only run in the case of an emergency situation and even then I would probably fall down and choose to die rather than run more that two miles.

2. The Woman Who Runs All Her Errands Before 9am (aka the morning person):
Good morning! Rise and shine. It's been said that most successful people wake up around 5am each morning. That being said, if that is true than doing all your errands before nine seems entirely reasonable. I even believe that it is probably a healthier way to live. After all, aren't we all supposed to go to bed with the sun and rise when it rises? unfortunately there is not one bone in my body that enjoys rising before 8am and since I run my own business in the food and beverage field, there is very little I NEED to do before 8am. I understand that I am in the vast minority of the working world but I can't explain to you how much I enjoy that fact. If there is ever a time in your life where you could be given the choice between waking up at 5am or at 8am, don't kid yourselves, you would sleep in too. This doesn't mean that I don't feel a pang of regret when I read the post of someone who has already been to the gym, grocery store, and dry cleaners all before I've had my morning coffee.

3. The Woman Who Announces an Engagement, Marriage, and Baby All In One Calender Year:
 This lady is on the fast track to her MRS degree. Extra points for accomplishing all of these milestones before you're two years out of college. Do not get me wrong, if you're truly in love and want to start a family then all power to you and may you be blessed with eternal happiness. I was also on the fast track once I met my husband and there are tons of people who looked at me like I was rushing into all of it (my family and his) so categorize me under this header if you must.

4. The Woman Who Does Pageants and Thinks We All Find This Impressive
These women are particularly annoying because they truly believe that beauty pageants are a "scholarship program". They believe themselves to be pseudo celebrities and therefore are all up on your news feed and instagram with crowns on their head and airbrushed makeup. I would also put C-list celebrities, ex-Real World cast members, reality stars and aspiring actors under this header as well. They spin this web of self-importance that usually makes you laugh but on a bad day, when you're hanging out in your comfy sweatpants and think to yourself "yea, I can totally go another day without shaving my legs" you are reminded that you should be eating a soy and kale salad while figure skating in full glam makeup. For that is the only way you get to the top. The hilarity of it all is that these beauty queen women are so involved with their own beauty (store bought or otherwise) that they believe they are a good representative of a role model when in reality the best they can hope for is for their 15 seconds of fame and beauty to last until they're 30. **The antithesis of this woman is my personal girl crush role model Jennifer Lawrence, who feels, as I do, that sometimes it's nice to stay home because you don't have to wear a bra - and that beauty queens, is what a real woman values.


5. The Woman Who Works At A Gym
Okay so these woman are the new age female equivalent to a meat head. Somehow being a gym junkie as a guy is much more embarrassing than as a woman because as women we are expected to look perfect and guys just have to have a good job and hopefully some good skills in the sack, a ripped body is only a plus for a dude. I will be the first to say that this needs to be corrected. Working at a gym is like telling me you care more about looking good than having a career.  It is also the perfect way to validate being obsessed with your body, because after all, it's your job! Do you own a gym? no? oh okay, so you do pilates all day...that's, something to be proud of. This is another woman who I could never be. Yes, I go to the gym and I work out...but I also work with food and own my own business. Moderation is the key to life and what man loves a super skinny muscle maniac anyway?

6. The Woman Who Travels The World and Seems to Have No Job:
I wish I knew the magical secret to free travel the way some of my friends do. They volunteer in Brazil, go sight-seeing in Paris, and rave all night in Berlin. Out of all of the women I will mention in this post these are the ones I am the most jealous of because, come on! Who does that?! These girls are also living out my childhood dream of being a nomad and living the oh so chic bohemian life of a world adventurer. There is something poetic and beautiful about their pictures and stories and it pulls at the heart strings of all of us who had dreamed of a life unsettled. I do not regret my choices and I absolutely love my life, but they're constant adventures just reminds me of the life I had originally envisioned for myself. A life of wanderlust, dashing exotic strangers and unexplored flavors.  

7. The Woman Who Has The Cutest, Most Well Behaved Kids Ever:
So far, this woman doesn't annoy me....because I'm not a mom. BUT, I can understand how this woman, with her perfectly styled children could make a real mom go insane. This woman brings her children into fancy restaurants and they order escargot and can go an entire meal without making a peep or a mess. These women make the regular mom pull her hair out because they have to change their kids shirts four times a day.

8. The Woman Who Volunteers While Earning a Doctorate and Writing A Childrens Book (aka Mother Teresa)
This woman is always fighting the good fight for the little guy and out of all the women I mention in this post, is the one who I have not one shred of animosity for. They are the kind and gentle souls who make this world a little bit better every day. They remind us all every day that yes, you could be doing more. We all get so wrapped up in our own lives that they are the ones that remind us to slow down and think about the less fortunate.

9. The Woman With The Spotless House:
The bane of my existence because I am messy messy girl. This woman loves her vacuum and constantly reminds me by her lemony-fresh home that I should be cleaning right now! The best example of this would be my mother-in-law, who I LOVE a lot but she seriously could be a professional organizer. This is no good for me as the daughter-in-law because she has high standards for her boys' abode and my skills do not cut it. I also find that I surround myself with girlfriends who are OCD and super tidy. Maybe it is because I am at the same time mystified and really impressed at this innate skill. These women are impressive on a whole other level for me because there is not one chance in hell that I will ever be like them. Maybe that is why I married a man with OCD.


In closing, this list is just my humorous way of reminding myself and all of us that there will always be someone better at something. The world is full of over acheiving women (and men) who seem to always striving to be the best. And then there's me...and a whole slew of women just like me who are janes-of-all-trades who do their best at doing it all. And hey, that's okay! I am not celebrating mediocrity. I am great at my job, I am a loving and faithful wife and I try my best to be a good person every day. That's all you can do with life, is try your best and strive for greatness in your own way.

XOXO

Lisa

Patience and Privacy

I decided to write a post on these two important words after a nice chat with my best friend Jennifer. They are two attributes that I admittedly do not possess. I am the least patient person I know, besides my husband, and I am an open book on the verge of suffering from constant word vomit.This blog has given me the opportunity to be frank and open about my feelings as my husband and I begin the journey into parenthood. However, it has also posed the question:

How much information is too much information?

I began this blog not long ago hoping to chronicle the ending of my birth control and the beginning of a new chapter. So far I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts here and think I will find it therapeutic going foreward. Pregnancy and the time surrounding it is so special, however, that most people do not believe it is something to be shared or talked about. There is that very common rule of thumb to not tell people you are trying, as well as to not reveal that you are pregnant until the end of your first trimester. People do this out of fear.

The fear comes from not knowing if you will be able to conceive, not knowing if you will be able to carry a pregnancy, and not knowing if you will lose the baby or terminate due to an unforeseen condition. These are all valid fears. I fear all of these things myself. They are the unspoken "what-ifs" that every woman deals with and I am no exception. So the question is posed: do I write about it all, regardless of the outcome? Do I reveal my insecurities and my fears in the hopes that someone somewhere will read this and feel like they aren't the only ones?

I can't do this blog justice if I do it half-assed. If I blog about nonsense until 20 weeks when  I can properly reveal to the world that I am pregnant then it defeats the purpose of writing about any of it. It may sound bizaar, but I feel like this silly little blog can be my truth, the truth of how I feel and what I go through, physically and emotionally while trying to get pregnant and God willing, while I carry my first child.

The feeling that has become overwhelmingly apparent to me from writing this blog has been impatience. That is what I recognize in my own writing. It is not a quality I am proud of, but it is one that I have to deal with. I am reading this book, The Lady of The Rivers by Phillipa Gregory right now and last night I read the most profound quote about patience, women and the desire for children:

"First you have to know the emptiness of your womb, of your arms, of your heart. That can hurt. You have to have the courage to look at yourself and know the loss that you feel. Then you have to change your life to make a space for the child who will not come. You have to open your heart; you have to make a safe place for the baby. And then you have to sit with your longing and your desire, and that can be the most painful. You have to sit with your longing and know that you may not get what you want; you have to encounter the danger of longing for something without the expectation of getting your desire." - Jacquetta to her daughter Elizabeth

I took that to heart and it was a piece of writing that resonated with me because the scariest thing about "trying" to get pregnant is the fear and the possibility that it may not happen, or that it may take quite a while and effort. This whole experience might be a good learning opportunity for me, to learn to know what I want, to know what I desire, and sit and wait with patience and calmness for the cards to fall into place. That was the advise that Jennifer gave to me, to "not stress about it". It was hard for me to explain that I'm not stressed about getting pregnant, I am impatient only because I know how much both Matt and I want this in our lives. But I will try to sit with patience and just enjoy the process, as people say. In all honesty, this has been the best part of our relationship so far with so much happiness and time together just being married that I am glad we waited until now to start trying as opposed to starting right away when we got married. The future holds a lot of promise with or without a pregnancy that I should start to learn some patience, although the privacy part may not follow.

XOXO

Lisa

  

Dinner Party Pictures and Updates

Last time I posted, our AC was broken and I was prepping for a dinner party so I thought I would start there. The event went perfectly. I couldn't have been happier with my clients, four foodies who just like to have a good time. They raved about the food and my ego did little somersaults afterwards. Sometimes I even impress myself with my skills (excuse me while I brush the dirt of my shoulder). Here are some pictures from the event so you can get an idea of the kind of food I do:

So that's me on a plate.


In other news, our AC is STILL out. Thankfully we are starting to head into fall and it is no longer 90 degrees out so we've been able to do things like put on clothes and sleep. My weird headaches are still holding strong. Yesterday was the first day I felt like a normal person again, but I woke up today still feeling achy and under the weather. I don't know what these headaches are about (several people have asked if I mgiht be pregnant....which I am NOT) but I am really over them. I've never been one to get migranes and these are just the worst! I am constantly tired and weak feeling and my head feels like it does after a marathon night of drinking. Thankfully I have the best husband in the world who has been extremely patient and attentive to me during my bizarre illness.





Tonight I am trudging through my aches and pains to see my best girl friend Tess, who has been so busy with work I haven't seen her in weeks! I am in desperate need of a girl talk session so I have a feeling it will be a long fun night. Good girl friends are hard to find and I love that we can talk about anything and we're both very kind and supportive of one another. I think women have a hard time in this world finding other women who truly support them. Women are often guarded with one another and worse than that, a lot of women want each other to fail or compete with each other at an unhealthy level.This I think is one of the main causes of high levels of depression in women. I've never really understood that, which is maybe why I choose my girlfriends carefully and get along better with men.



Just some food or thought...

XOXO 

Lisa