First TriMONSTER...a beginers guide to the perils of the first three months

Since I waited until the second trimester to announce that I am pregnant I wanted to go back to not so long ago and recount the not-so-joyous first trimester.

First of all....everything they say is true. It absolutely sucks.

My husband likes to say that when people would ask me how I was feeling I would say "not too bad", but then at home the reality was that I felt like I was dying. He is just about right. I did feel awful. I was nauseous constantly, or at least I was nauseous when I wasn't hungry. I pretty much bounced from starvation to feeling like I was going to throw up for about three weeks (from week 6-about week 10).

I also felt more tired than I have ever felt in my entire life. I have never been a napper, and I found myself in bed from the hours of 1pm-4pm almost every day.

I never threw up, which is why I always responded to questions about my well-being with a "not too bad". I know a lot of women have it worse than me. In fact, a friend of my sisters who is pregnant has not stopped throwing up since her first trimester and she is now almost in her third! Yikes! So in solidarity to those women who have had it far worse than me, I always told people I was doing a-okay.

Although I never actually vomited, I did feel like I had to vomit most days. I'm not sure if that is worse or better than actually throwing up. On one side I feel like if I just pulled the trigger I would feel better...but on the other hand, there is no amount of throwing up that can make a pregnant lady feel any better so it's better to keep down as many calories as you can.

Another myth that was quickly debunked is the bump. This magical baby bump that you believe is your right to wear from the moment of conception. Nope. Not even close. In your first trimester, you not only feel like garbage, but most women aren't telling people that they're pregnant yet and don't look pregnant at all. So you are simply suffering in silence, hoping no one notices that you're sluggish and look like crap and perhaps have gained a few. In my case, I am 14 weeks and 6 days pregnant now and I not only don't have that cute baby bump I was promised, but I just look kinda bloated in the tummy area, like I overindulged in a Chipotle burrito for lunch.

Smells will become your worst enemy. I could, and still can smell EVERYTHING. Things that used to smell good, like gingery asian stir fry, now make me gag. Forget about being able to take the trash out, you will be lucky if you can stand to be in the same room as a full garbage can. This was worse in my first trimester than it is now, thank god but be prepared to be a super-human smeller, kind of like a drug-sniffing dog or a blind person. I swear yesterday I smelled the rain coming well before the first crack of thunder came rolling through.

CARBS! forget about your low-carb, paleo, vegetarian diet...you eat whatever you can stomach to put in your mouth. I have always been a carbohydrate lover but that went into overdrive in my first few months of pregnancy. Carbs and red meat were the only things I could eat, and eat them I did. I felt bad for a little while. I had all these grand plans of being super organic and healthy when I got pregnant and all that went right out the window pretty quickly when I realized the idea of chicken and vegetables made my stomach turn. When you hit this stage of pregnancy it is best to let go and eat whatever sounds good at the time. Everything, including your appetite levels out by the second trimester anyway and your baby will be just fine as long as mommy stays happy and fed.

Speaking of being happy in the first trimester, this is also the time that you deal with your first pangs of fear and the first real decisions you have to make for your future little one. You go to the doctor and get to see your little peanut, just a little speck that looks like nothing and all of a sudden you are aware that it's not just the two of you anymore. You are bombarded with statistics for down syndrome and things called Trisomy 18 and 21. Everyone pretty much knows what down syndrome is already and maybe has even known a neighbor or cousin who has it. The Trisomy's are different. These are chromosomal abnormalities that cause the baby to die pretty much directly after birth. The odds of having one of these chromosomal abnomalities goes up or down depending on certain risk factors, the biggest one being age of the mother, but they also are a product of dumb luck.

The doctor will do his or her best to explain the risks and then you are given the option of testing early. This early testing is the scary part. They specifically do this testing early enough for you to terminate your pregnancy if you get a positive test result. A positive result mind you, is a percentage of probability somewhere around 90%. You are then given the biggest decision of your life...play the odds, or terminate.

My husband and I originally did not even want to do the testing, which only about half of couples decide to do for various reasons. We had decided that nothing would make us terminate so why spend 9 months worrying rather than enjoying the process of being pregnant. We slept on it and then changed our mind, the first noticeable parental thing we've done. We went ahead and tested, wanting to know early if we had to learn up on some sort of disability our child might have. Luckily, the tests came back with a 1/10,000 chance of down syndrome or the Trisomy's. But be prepared that you will be faced with the fear of this possibility and the choice of testing at around 12 weeks pregnant.

My best advice now that I am on the other side of the dreaded first trimester is to remember that it is all temporary. Sleep when you're tired, eat when you're hungry, demand some extra TLC from your hubby or significant other and just breathe and get through it. There really is no other way. I remember thinking around week 7 that I can't imagine doing this more than once...a thought I am sure runs through every first time mom's mind at some point, but now that I am feeling better, eating better and have my energy back I can't imagine only having one kid!

probably the best advice I an give on the first trimester:
Be brave...this too shall pass

XOXO

Lisa

We're Having a Baby!

For the past few months it has been extremely difficult to blog. I could blame it on time management or being busy/lazy, but in reality I was holding back some big news and I couldn't spill the beans just yet...

Drum roll please........... WE'RE PREGNANT!!

Yep, all of our stuff works and we made a tiny little person that I am now growing inside me. I am almost 15 weeks which means we are out of the first trimester blues and into the "fun" stage of being pregnant. We've told out respective friends and family so everyone close to us knows already, and everyone is really excited.

We are due November 22nd, which means Thanksgiving this year is pretty much off the table as I may have just given birth, be about to pop or may actually be in labor! Either way, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and now it will be the same week (give or take the date) as my first child's' birthday. So now we get turkey AND cake!

I do have to address a previous post I wrote, pre-pregnancy and admit to what an enormous hypocrite I  am. A while back I wrote a post about fear and privacy, explaining how women only keep their pregnancies to themselves for fear of miscarriage. Although that is absolutely true I an now admit that I had no idea what I was talking about. I was completely unprepared for the fear that comes along with conceiving. From the day we found out until right around now, I almost didn't believe that this was all really happening and that something bad could still happen and I could lose the pregnancy. Now that I am in the second trimester, which is pretty much "out-of-the-woods" as far as the likelihood of miscarriage, I have begun to realize how much I enjoy keeping this whole experience quiet.

I still plan on blogging about my experiences. I've already gotten through the first trimester so there is plenty to talk about already, but I don't have the urge to share this news with the world. Facebook especially has become so public and stalker-esque that I don't really feel a need for my 2,000 "friends" to watch my belly growing from week to week. I will post those sorts of things here, because this is an outlet, but probably not facebook.

In the upcoming weeks I can't wait to share my experiences, frustrations and joys that come with being pregnant for the first time. I have really enjoyed reading other womens' blogs about the subject and hope to shed some light on my journey and the journey my husband and I are taking together. We are so blessed to be expecting a child and I am already greatly aware that it is a privileged denied to many. We are so excited to see what our future has in store.

XOXO

Lisa

Happy Anniversary to Us! 1

Happy anniversary to us!

This past weekend Matt celebrated a huge milestone, our one year anniversary. It is incredible that a year has gone by so fast, but when we looked back at all the incredible things we've done this year it becomes easier to believe its actually been 365 days.

We spent the weekend out of the house, which for us is a big coup. We started off the celebration on Saturday morning. We drove out to Bowens Island and rented a tandem kayak and spent the morning in the sunshine on Folly River. The weather was absolutely majestic, the air was warm but the breeze was cool and the tide brought us out with ease. There wasn't another soul around and we paddled and talked, reflecting on our year together as a married couple.

When we got back after a two hour excursion we were both starved so we rushed home to change out of our wet bathing suits and hightailed it to the closest seafood shack on the water. We sat outside on the deck and indulged in fried shrimp, hush puppies, waffle fries and sweet Arnold Palmer's. We watched the boats go by and relaxed into a seriously blissful food coma.

The big event was dinner that evening. Matt has a client who is the general manager at a fabulous Charleston institution called Circa 1886, so we got all dolled up and went to dinner around 7pm.

To say dinner was fabulous would be an understatement. Not only was the restaurant extremely romantic but the food and service were beyond expectation. We leisurely enjoyed a decadent six-course meal that left us both stuffed and serene. The highlight for us both was dessert, which is saying a lot because neither of us would consider ourselves dessert people. The GM sent out a cheese plate that was to die for and we had ordered their croissant doughnuts, also known as CRONUTS. The cronuts were pretty much the best thing I have ever had and I definitely get all the hype about them.

Sunday was another downtown day. We strolled around the old houses and waterfront parks of Charleston, taking photos with our new fancy Nikon camera, stopping only to have breakfast at a quaint crepe place. And would you believe our luck, we happened upon a couple getting engaged in the park. We took it as a good omen for our own anniversary and snapped a few pictures of the happy couple. The rest of the day was spent in normal Sunday fashion, on the couch watching a good movie and waiting for our Sunday night television to begin.

It was a truly perfect weekend

XOXO

Lisa

Gender Equality...?

Has anything really changed since 1950? and more importantly, do we want it to?

Back in the golden age of yesteryear the gender roles were clearly defined. Men go to work, and provide for the family. The woman stays home to tend the house and children. These lines had been drawn since the dawn of man, but in our generation, women seem to think that subscribing to their traditional roles and wives and mothers somehow belittles their worth or their ambitions outside of the home. Have we, the fairer sex, convinced ourselves that our worth is best measured by our career or educational accomplishments? And furthermore, what has this done to the state of matrimony?

I have never considered myself a feminist, so those who are inclined to burn their bras and blame men for their problems had better stop reading right now. I believe in the yin and the yang of the universe, that each thing has an equal yet opposite counterpart. We believe this to be true in science and yet not in discussing social equality. Everyone has to be on the same playing field. We have gone so far as to completely ignore biological biases in gender, race or ethnicity. We are all different, men, women, different races, people from different parts of the world are all genetically designed differently. But back to my main point which is, if we assume that everyone is created with a unique set of skills, then why would it surprise anyone that women are best suited to the home?

Let us take out the antiquated presumption that women HAVE to stay home from this discussion and just talk about the present state of things. In a world where a woman is encouraged to seek employment outside of the home, are they happier? Do marriages work better with a career driven woman?

Some would argue that they are. There is definitely a sense of fulfillment you get from working and making your own money. But, I would argue that there are some unforeseen consequences.The first of which is a power struggle in the relationship between the traditional provider, the husband, and the career focused wife. When the woman makes more money, do the power roles shift? Does the man feel less like the provider and protector of his family? And does a wife feel the added burden of juggling both the home duties and the money making? I am the first to admit that I don't have the answers. My home/work situation is extremely unique because I am an entrepreneur who works mainly from home AND I am also not a domestic goddess by any means. But the question is worth thinking about. Were things easier when we all knew where we stood and what was expected of us? Are marriage and gender roles being re-written as more and more women forgo children and marriage for the money and prestige of high paying jobs? What will marriages look like in 50 more years? Will women continue to fight for equality to the point of eradicating chivalry and courting lest it be construed as sexist? And the most interesting question is, is this good for us as a species?

Update

I have found it very hard to find time to blog in the past few weeks. Mostly because I've been busy with work and also because there have been so many developments that it's hard to talk about one at a time. Before you even think it, no, I'm not pregnant. I am in the throws of vagina hell as my period showed up a week and a half early last night and ripped me from sleep with its combination of aches and pains. The things no one tells you about getting off of birth control is just how long it can take to bring your body back to neutral. I am hopeful that all this turmoil is on its way out and I am going to get fertile soon.

Another development is that planning my sisters baby shower is under way. She is expecting a baby girl in May and my mom and me couldn't be more excited. My mom has actually crossed a line into baby mania and is preparing a nursery at her home. A nursery for a newborn that will live 13 hours away...practical right? Anyway my sister is taking pregnancy in stride, no terrible morning sickness or much to complain about. We all can't wait for the baby to arrive and find out what her name is and who she looks like.

Matt and I have decided to redecorate our living room. Before and after photos to follow.

Anyway, this isn't that interesting of a post so I will keep it short. Keep warm in this snowy weather!

XOXO

Lisa

Welcome to 2014!!

Happy New Year!!!!

I can hardly believe it is 2014 already. Looking over the past year there has been much to be grateful for. My marriage, our first home together, the pregnancy of my sister, the happiness of my empty-nester parents who are finally embracing their new found freedom, and the marriage of one of my best friends to an incredible man, the relocation of my husbands parents to sunny Florida, the new job for my brilliant and kind brother-in-law, the success of my little sister in her budding career, and the growing success of my business.

2013 was good to me. But now we look to the year to come with all its possibilities and promises. We make resolutions for better behavior and strive to tone our bodies and sharpen our minds. So what are my resolutions for this coming year?

To be kinder.

To drink more water, I am constantly dehydrated.

and to eat fewer carbohydrates.

We'll see about that last one lol.

Are You Doing Enough?....Overachievers and Why I Hate Them

As women we always feel the need to do it all. We work our asses off to become successful business women, friends, wives and mothers all the while trying to maintain a balance between being sexy and classy, smart and funny.

Sometimes it seems like some women have it all together. These superheroes of womanhood appear to have more hours in the day than regular people and use their time to build empires and become moguls. I'm talking about admirable women heroes like Lauren Conrad, Beyonce, Bethany Frankel the ultimate mom-ager Kris Jenner and my person hero, Giada DeLaurentis. These women wear many hats and work hard every day, putting the rest of us to shame. And they STILL find the time for an active social life, perfectly fit bodies, flawless makeup and hair oh yea, and a mess of kids on the side.

Role models like these are easy to look up to but let's face it, they're celebrities and therefore lead lives that aren't realistic expectations of reality. Then there are your real life friends and acquaintances who seem to be super-human.

Here are the women I'm talking about and why I, and most of the world could never live up to the bars they set:

1. The Woman Who Just Posted That She's Signed Up For Her 13th Marathon:
We get it. You run. You love to run. You love running so much you do it for fun, you do it in the rain, sleet, snow or dark of night. You would run around a house, and you would run behind a mouse. Running is becoming the new addiction to fat and skinny girls alike and ESPECIALLY by the formerly fat women that have run into a teeny tiny body and plan to run across the country until they are as famous as forest gump and his scraggly homeless-man beard. I could never, ever, EVER be this girl. I hate running and all its disciples. I blame this on the fact that I have flat feet and bad knees but in all honesty I am just a mouth breather who would only run in the case of an emergency situation and even then I would probably fall down and choose to die rather than run more that two miles.

2. The Woman Who Runs All Her Errands Before 9am (aka the morning person):
Good morning! Rise and shine. It's been said that most successful people wake up around 5am each morning. That being said, if that is true than doing all your errands before nine seems entirely reasonable. I even believe that it is probably a healthier way to live. After all, aren't we all supposed to go to bed with the sun and rise when it rises? unfortunately there is not one bone in my body that enjoys rising before 8am and since I run my own business in the food and beverage field, there is very little I NEED to do before 8am. I understand that I am in the vast minority of the working world but I can't explain to you how much I enjoy that fact. If there is ever a time in your life where you could be given the choice between waking up at 5am or at 8am, don't kid yourselves, you would sleep in too. This doesn't mean that I don't feel a pang of regret when I read the post of someone who has already been to the gym, grocery store, and dry cleaners all before I've had my morning coffee.

3. The Woman Who Announces an Engagement, Marriage, and Baby All In One Calender Year:
 This lady is on the fast track to her MRS degree. Extra points for accomplishing all of these milestones before you're two years out of college. Do not get me wrong, if you're truly in love and want to start a family then all power to you and may you be blessed with eternal happiness. I was also on the fast track once I met my husband and there are tons of people who looked at me like I was rushing into all of it (my family and his) so categorize me under this header if you must.

4. The Woman Who Does Pageants and Thinks We All Find This Impressive
These women are particularly annoying because they truly believe that beauty pageants are a "scholarship program". They believe themselves to be pseudo celebrities and therefore are all up on your news feed and instagram with crowns on their head and airbrushed makeup. I would also put C-list celebrities, ex-Real World cast members, reality stars and aspiring actors under this header as well. They spin this web of self-importance that usually makes you laugh but on a bad day, when you're hanging out in your comfy sweatpants and think to yourself "yea, I can totally go another day without shaving my legs" you are reminded that you should be eating a soy and kale salad while figure skating in full glam makeup. For that is the only way you get to the top. The hilarity of it all is that these beauty queen women are so involved with their own beauty (store bought or otherwise) that they believe they are a good representative of a role model when in reality the best they can hope for is for their 15 seconds of fame and beauty to last until they're 30. **The antithesis of this woman is my personal girl crush role model Jennifer Lawrence, who feels, as I do, that sometimes it's nice to stay home because you don't have to wear a bra - and that beauty queens, is what a real woman values.


5. The Woman Who Works At A Gym
Okay so these woman are the new age female equivalent to a meat head. Somehow being a gym junkie as a guy is much more embarrassing than as a woman because as women we are expected to look perfect and guys just have to have a good job and hopefully some good skills in the sack, a ripped body is only a plus for a dude. I will be the first to say that this needs to be corrected. Working at a gym is like telling me you care more about looking good than having a career.  It is also the perfect way to validate being obsessed with your body, because after all, it's your job! Do you own a gym? no? oh okay, so you do pilates all day...that's, something to be proud of. This is another woman who I could never be. Yes, I go to the gym and I work out...but I also work with food and own my own business. Moderation is the key to life and what man loves a super skinny muscle maniac anyway?

6. The Woman Who Travels The World and Seems to Have No Job:
I wish I knew the magical secret to free travel the way some of my friends do. They volunteer in Brazil, go sight-seeing in Paris, and rave all night in Berlin. Out of all of the women I will mention in this post these are the ones I am the most jealous of because, come on! Who does that?! These girls are also living out my childhood dream of being a nomad and living the oh so chic bohemian life of a world adventurer. There is something poetic and beautiful about their pictures and stories and it pulls at the heart strings of all of us who had dreamed of a life unsettled. I do not regret my choices and I absolutely love my life, but they're constant adventures just reminds me of the life I had originally envisioned for myself. A life of wanderlust, dashing exotic strangers and unexplored flavors.  

7. The Woman Who Has The Cutest, Most Well Behaved Kids Ever:
So far, this woman doesn't annoy me....because I'm not a mom. BUT, I can understand how this woman, with her perfectly styled children could make a real mom go insane. This woman brings her children into fancy restaurants and they order escargot and can go an entire meal without making a peep or a mess. These women make the regular mom pull her hair out because they have to change their kids shirts four times a day.

8. The Woman Who Volunteers While Earning a Doctorate and Writing A Childrens Book (aka Mother Teresa)
This woman is always fighting the good fight for the little guy and out of all the women I mention in this post, is the one who I have not one shred of animosity for. They are the kind and gentle souls who make this world a little bit better every day. They remind us all every day that yes, you could be doing more. We all get so wrapped up in our own lives that they are the ones that remind us to slow down and think about the less fortunate.

9. The Woman With The Spotless House:
The bane of my existence because I am messy messy girl. This woman loves her vacuum and constantly reminds me by her lemony-fresh home that I should be cleaning right now! The best example of this would be my mother-in-law, who I LOVE a lot but she seriously could be a professional organizer. This is no good for me as the daughter-in-law because she has high standards for her boys' abode and my skills do not cut it. I also find that I surround myself with girlfriends who are OCD and super tidy. Maybe it is because I am at the same time mystified and really impressed at this innate skill. These women are impressive on a whole other level for me because there is not one chance in hell that I will ever be like them. Maybe that is why I married a man with OCD.


In closing, this list is just my humorous way of reminding myself and all of us that there will always be someone better at something. The world is full of over acheiving women (and men) who seem to always striving to be the best. And then there's me...and a whole slew of women just like me who are janes-of-all-trades who do their best at doing it all. And hey, that's okay! I am not celebrating mediocrity. I am great at my job, I am a loving and faithful wife and I try my best to be a good person every day. That's all you can do with life, is try your best and strive for greatness in your own way.

XOXO

Lisa